Locked out of Heaven
by pinkmink
Summary: Told from Castiel's POV - The one night Castiel tries to pray changes everything between him and Dean. Destiel - and lots of boy sex
1. Chapter 1

This story takes place Season 11 between episodes 2 & 3\. Basically before they'd gotten too far with Amara, and Castiel had just been cured. At least, that's when I started writing it - this story deals very little with the events currently taking place in Season 11.

 **Chapter 1**

Of all places on Earth, Castiel thought he would finally get to experience this thing humans called "a good night's sleep" in the bunker. For all its faults and cold interior, it was as close to heaven as he thought he'd probably experience again. More books than you could possibly read. A basic television that Sam had hooked up to something called "Netflix" that provided hours of entertainment. A comfortable couch. An old fridge stocked with cold beer that he had grown quite fond of since his time on Earth.

And of course his roommates – his new brothers. New is a relative term, he supposed – they'd been in each other's lives for around seven years, but compared to the time he's spent in heaven with his brothers and sisters – let's just say it felt like the beginning of the relationship, even still.

He didn't know how long his time in the bunker would be – the last time he stayed any length of time he was unceremoniously kicked out by Dean, but with an arguably decent reason. They were letting him stay under the auspice of his "healing" from the curse, but they all knew he felt better. Felt stronger. And when they weren't stressing about the darkness or Amara, they were having a blast – watching old kung fu movies ("Have to teach you about pop-culture," was Dean's excuse, but Cas knew it calmed the hunter's nerves.), having a go at some of the old board games around the bunker (They made the mistake of playing Trivial Pursuit with Sam once. Once.), and working on some of the cars they had in the garage (Not Dean's baby of course, but he was teaching Cas how to work on his own Chevy Cutlass).

Frankly, it was the lightest he had felt in a long time. So light in fact, that he was surprised that he still had trouble sleeping. He lied in his comfortable bed, a heavy comforter shielding him from the cold of his room. It was deathly silent, and he supposed that is probably what bothered him the most – even in his quiet moments he could always tune into angel radio and be lulled into sleep by the sounds his brethren, like someone would listen to white noise. Not for the first time, he felt his eyes well at the loss.

Frustrated, he ripped the comforter off and glanced at the clock on his nightstand. The red numbers read 3:52. Neither of the other boys would be up this late – but Cas had to do something to mute out his loud brain. Pulling on his overcoat he trudged down the hall, barefoot, his black hair standing on end from tossing and turning. The rest of the bunker was just as quiet and still as his room. He briefly considered turning on the television – something mindless might put him at ease. Re-runs of House Hunters, maybe?

He kept walking past the living room and towards the front door. Fresh air suddenly sounded perfect, though he couldn't put his finger on why. Maybe it reminded him of all his years of wandering the earth, aimlessly - just observing. Maybe it's just because the bunker smelled like old pizza.

Stepping outside he realized immediately he wasn't wearing shoes. Briefly he considered going inside to get them, and then decided against it – the hard dirt beneath him served to ground his soul, reminding him where he was. He took off in a direction that felt right – not like he had any particular place he wanted to be. Feeling aimless felt nice for a change.

He walked and walked until he reached a bit of a meadow, where he could clearly see the crescent moon. Most of the night sky laid out very crispy before him. Somehow the forest was louder than the bunker – sounds of animals and the wind played in his ears. It eased his mind and he could think more clearly. Suddenly and very powerfully he missed his father. He wasn't expecting it, and he gasped a bit at the ache at the pit of his stomach. The immeasurable strength and peace His presence – words couldn't describe the hole left in his being with its distance. It was as if he hadn't felt truly whole in years. Everything else he tried to fill the void with didn't come close to measuring up.

All except, if he were honest, Dean. Something about the simple, righteous man filled that gap if only a little. The way he tried so hard to do the right thing, the best thing. How often that fell flat, only to have him try again and again. When Castiel was sent to retrieve Dean's soul from hell, he knew it was for a greater purpose but he truly wasn't ready for the depth that he found there. His soul was unlike anything he'd ever come across, before or since. Truly, Dean had no idea how unique he was and if Cas was being honest, it was probably better that way.

Just thinking about Dean made him smile, as he stared up at the night sky. Dean could be so petulant and contrary. The mark and the events of the last year had damaged him more than he would care to admit. And all of it in the name of protecting his brother. Castiel should have thought that trait was outdated and unnecessary – instead he continued to find it inspiring. To live and breathe for another human like Dean did for his brother, nearly every day of his life – it filled the angel with pride to know him.

Idly, Cas supposed this is what feeling in love is like. Admiring otherwise annoying or insignificant traits in another person. The thought of being in love with Dean didn't frighten him in the least – it actually felt like the natural progression of their relationship. Not that anything would ever come from it. Loving Dean meant loving that stubborn part of his brain that held him back from experiencing things deeper and more potent than a few one night stands. Underneath it all, he was just keeping himself safe because he cared too deeply, and in their line of work, that was damn near suicidal. Cas surmised he'd probably spend all of Dean's life waiting for even a brief opportunity to tell him how much he cared about him. Though knowing their luck, it would likely be when the other was dying.

Castiel found himself crouching to kneel on the hard ground. The small rocks dug into his knees as he clasped his hands. He used to pray so often but now it almost felt foreign, a muscle memory forgotten. But he needed to try to connect to his father, if even for a moment.

"Father," he started, aloud to the darkness and the stars. "Father, where are you?"

The forest was still awake around him, but he heard and saw nothing. Not even a burning bush. Not that he expected to – that trick was old anyway.

"We – we don't know what we're doing." He cleared his throat. "This thing, the darkness – it's beyond us. It's bigger than us. I fear it's bigger than you. And in all of this, I keep searching for you, for some shred of hope that we'll find a way to beat this thing. That you'll come out of whatever hole you've gotten yourself into and save us. I still have faith Father but, frankly not much." He took a deep breath. "That's not what I wanted to say tonight. Faith is about believing that what you're doing is right for everyone, and I have to trust that. I just have to. If I don't –"he paused, "if I don't I'm not sure how I can keep going."

"What I wanted to say was, thank you. I can't believe I've never said it, but I suppose I've never taken a moment to think about how thankful I am. Thank you for all those years ago sending me on a suicidal mission to pull a soul from Hell. Knowing Dean has changed me so profoundly – I'm not even sure you could have suspected how much it would have, though, of course I'm sure you did. The time that I have spent with the Winchesters have been the best years of my existence. I'm sad that my brothers and sisters will never experience humanity like the way I have, through his and Sam's life. Life, humans – they are so much better and messier and beautiful than I would have ever figured out on my own."

"And Dean –"his throat constricted a bit, "Dean makes me want to be a better man. I'll never be able to thank him for that, but I do thank you for putting him in my life. Father, I just hope that wherever you are and whatever you're doing that you can hear this and know that although I'm so angry at you for not being around, that I still am humbled at the path you set me on."

Cas took a shaky breath. Oddly enough, saying all of that out loud – it just felt better. Like a release. He felt a tiny sting on his foot, and turned around. Ants, just a few dozen, were crawling around his toes. He briskly brushed them off and then he saw him – in the moonlight stood Dean, frozen against a tree. He was wearing plaid pj pants and a sweater, his arms wrapped around himself against the cold of the night. The air hung heavy between them as their eyes met.

"How long…" Castiel hardly spoke above a whisper.

"Long enough."

Cas turned away from him and stood, brushing off his knees. The pleasant, fleeting connection with his Father faded to dread. He knew how much Dean hated talking about feelings and here they were - Castiel's deepest thoughts exposed, spread out in the open. Should he try to pass it off, pretend it was an act? But of course that's ridiculous – Dean's smarter than that. To act like anything else would be an insult to his intelligence.

"Look, what I said-"

"Cas are you barefoot?"

Castiel looked down at his feet and back up, thrown by the question. "Uh, yeah. I couldn't sleep, and the ground didn't bother me. It felt kinda nice."

Dean's expression finally changed from a stern gaze to something warmer. He gave a small smile as the angel turned around to face him. "You look pretty ridiculous."

"I feel pretty ridiculous. Something bit me - I didn't know ants could bite."

"Oh yeah, they do that."

They both said nothing and just looked at each other. The wind picked up a slight chill in the breeze, rustling the fallen leaves at Castiel's feet. You would think that their staring would be incredibly uncomfortable, but for them it never had been - they'd always stared unabashedly as long as they'd known each other. At first it was out of wonder, as the other's existence alone perplexed them. Then later as an expression of their bond - they could almost tell what the other was thinking. But now it was something else - Castiel's private confession made this look different. He searched Dean's face for an ounce of a tell – but it gave nothing away. Cas had no idea if he was going to shoot him or say nothing about this moment ever again. And frankly he didn't know which one he wished for more.

"Did you mean that?"

Well, that's not what he expected to come out of Dean's mouth.

"My prayer?" He paused, an easy out. But a cowardly one, so he didn't take it. "Yea, I did."

"How long have you felt that way?"

Even still the expression Dean wore wasn't reveling a thing about what he was actually feeling in these moments. Castiel contemplated going on the defense - if he came up with a halfway decent excuse, maybe, just maybe, this wouldn't have to change anything about their relationship. But if living with humans and watching them fall in love with each other over and over again throughout time has taught him anything, being bold is how things get started. And maybe – maybe he wanted something to start…

"For a long time, Dean." He paused, tilting his head a bit and grimacing. "I'm sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable - I promise that was not my intention."

That seemed to break Dean out of his poker face - he shook his head and softened his expression. "No, I'm sorry Cas. This was your private moment I walked in on. I just heard you leaving and wanted to make sure you weren't doing some crazy post curse related sleep killing or something."

"Sleep killing?"

"Yeah, it could be a thing..."Dean's weight shifted from one leg to the other. They said nothing for another few moments - Cas had no idea how to make this any less awkward.

"I didn't know you still prayed."

"I don't really. I just - " Castiel stopped, wanting to guard his thoughts. But was there even a point to that anymore, after all he's heard? "I missed my father, and I couldn't sleep. I thought if I prayed and believed he could hear me that I would feel that connection with him again."

"Did it work?"

He shrugged. "It did for a moment, I suppose. I don't know what I was expecting."

"Cas, I'm sorry. I get so mad at God for high-tailing it out of here when we need him the most that I forget how that must feel for you." Dean looked back in the direction where they came. "I'm freezing out here man, let's go back inside. I really could use some hot cocoa."

"That sounds nice."

They made their way back to the bunker in silence. Castiel's limited experience of confessions of love made it hard for him to judge how the rest of the night was going to go, but at least he figured he'd get hot chocolate out of it.

"Here." Dean handed the steaming cup to Cas and sat down next to him on the couch.

"Thanks." Castiel took a small sip - it instantly warmed him to his bones. It's amazing how just a beverage could do that. Human beings do not appreciate enough how the taste of something can completely change your physiology. He wondered if he should be worried about what happens next, but Dean's expression seemed calm enough.

"Look, Cas." Dean started, taking a deep breath. "You know I don't talk about feelings, so I'm just going to lay this all out there, and rip off the band aid, ok?"

"Ok..."

"That was, far and away, the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me in my life."

Well, that's not exactly the direction Cas was expecting.

"I know you didn't mean for me to hear it and I'm sorry I snooped. I really didn't mean to. I meant what I said – I was worried about some after effect of the curse." He took a sip out of his mug and a tiny artificial marshmallow stuck to his upper lip. Castiel made a motion to wipe it off but stopped himself. He didn't want to say or do anything to sway Dean off course – this was so rare of a moment - so it just dangled there. "But when I saw you get down to pray, I couldn't help myself. I just – look, I don't know how to put this into words, ok?"

"Dean, you don't have to say anything." Cas shook his head. He had to give the guy an out. "Also you have – a marshmallow –"

Dean sneaked his tongue out and snatched the tiny sugary bump from his lip, smiling a bit as he did it. "How long?"

"Long enough."

They both laughed at that, and the tension left them. Cas leaned back against the couch and let the mug rest against his bare chest – Dean looked towards the television, comfortably starting into the distance. He suddenly set his mug down on the coffee table and leaned forward.

"No, look, I want to say this, because it's really been bugging me for a while. This connection we have – what the hell is it?"

Castiel took a moment, trying to phrase what he wanted to say. "Well, when I retrieved your soul from the pits of hell, I did have to reconstruct it back together with my own grace. So I guess you could say that part of my soul merged with yours. It was necessary to make you a whole person again."

"Is that what it is? It's just so intense! I swear if I felt the way about a woman that I feel about you, I'd be trying to get into her pants all the time!" The way he phrased it made it sound off the cuff and boisterous, but once the words left his lips the entire atmosphere between the two of them changed. He looked as if he wanted to swallow those words back up – Cas cocked his head to one side and smirked.

"Well I'd never want to be another one of your conquests, Dean."

"That's not – oh man, see this is why I don't do the touchy feely crap! Anyway, you know what I mean. End of talk." He turned his body and picked up his hot cocoa, taking a big gulp. His body language indicated he was VERY done with the conversation. Problem was, there was a small part of Cas that just had to say something to watch him squirm. It was just too easy.

"I'm afraid I really don't."

Dean looked sheepishly up from his mug. "Seriously. You're going to make me say it?"

"If I knew what it was, maybe I'd be able to help." Most of the heat had left the mug, but Cas could feel heat rise from the base of his neck through his face.

"I don't know man, it's not as if I've ever felt this way before for another dude. I don't know what this is."

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I felt the same way, and are just as confused as you are?"

That gave Dean pause. Obviously not. "No. Do you?"

"I'm an angel of the Lord, Dean. Whose grace was intermingled with a human soul. That just doesn't happen. I don't think it's ever happened before in the history of creation. So I'd say we're falling into undiscovered territory here." Castiel shifted, and tucked a leg underneath himself. "All I know is, I've always felt a bond with you, but recently – there has been something else to it. And I'm pretty sure this is exactly what my father meant to have happen."

"Wait a minute, Cas. Are you saying you think we're soul mates or something?" Dean looked incredulously, his voice rising slightly at the last few words. He said the word soul mates like the phrase made him physically ill. It quite possibly did.

"Not in the way they show in your – what do you call them? Chick flicks? But yes – something like that."

"Woa." Dean sat back against the couch and looked out in front of him. "Well I'll be honest Cas that is not what I was expecting."

They sat in silence again for some time. The bunker was quiet but it must be edging towards sunrise – not that they would really know, as the bunker has no windows. Their mugs sat on the coffee table, growing cold. Neither of them looked at each other, and it filled Castiel with sadness. Finally, he spoke.

"I fear the events of the evening may have changed things between us, and I don't want that."

Dean blinked a little. "Just a lot to take in, man. I mean, now what? Do I kiss you?"

The angel reeled back a little from that. He's used to Dean being forward, but not that forward.

"Uh – I don't know? Do you want to?"

"Well, that's kinda what I was getting at earlier. Like I said, if you were a chick I'd have jumped your bones a long time ago. I just want to be with you – all the time." His words started to run together, like he was trying to get them out faster than his mouth could say them. "I dream about you – when you're not around I'm thinking about you. When you're hurt I completely lose it. I don't know – I am fairly sure that I'm not gay. Or at least, that I wasn't? But you showed up and bam! You totally changed me. I don't know what the hell to do about it. Part of me wants to hit you and the other part…"

Castiel couldn't quite process all of it at once. He was at once excited and terrified at Dean's words. The hunter's declaration trailed off his lips and he was left exposed. His green eyes shone with stark vulnerability – Cas had never seen him so visceral. He wanted to fix it, to make everything better – make him laugh, make him whole. Would he ever stop trying to fix Dean?

Swiftly, the angel leaned forward and caught his lips in a kiss. It was sweet – chase. Short. They both closed their eyes tightly. Dean's breath smelled like beer – Cas idly wondered if it maybe always did. He's never been this close. He brought his hand up and stroked his face, stubble rubbing against his skin. Is this what it is to love someone so completely?

Dean pulled back but not too far, lips still parted slightly. His angular face was flushed and a deep red was forming at his cheeks. He looked confused, which was not a good sign to Cas. He immediately wished he hadn't done that.

"I'm sorry – that was too forward. I think I'm just going back to bed now." His voice was low.

"You're not going anywhere."

Dean pounced - throwing the bulk of his weight at Castiel. It caught him off guard and he flew back against the couch. He moved his lips against Cas – there was something electric that shot up the angel's spine when their lips met. Dean grasped at the lapels of his coat, then let his hands splay on his bare chest. Cas snaked his arms around his waist and pulled him closer into the kiss. The weight of the hunter was intoxicating – his frame tightly wound the angels'. The moment felt unreal – is this actually happening? Their lips danced against each other, alternating sweet with something wetter and hotter. They made out like a couple of teenagers in heat. Maybe they were. Finally Dean broke it off, breathless as he pulled himself up slightly to face Cas.

"I don't know what I'm feeling but I sure as shit like doing that."

"Me too." They shared a look of wonder, then Cas pushed up his neck and gave him a slow kiss. They kept kissing for some time, Dean eventually turning them so they lie next to each other. Their kisses grew softer, more languid. They were both exhausted. Eventually they both faded off to sleep in each other's embrace. And it was the best night's sleep Castiel has ever had.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

They awoke to the sound of laughter, which would have been comforting if it hadn't erupted from the mouth of the King of Hell. Jumping out of their skin at the noise Dean quickly fell from the couch to the floor and Castiel sat up sharply in a daze.

"Boys! My my, it's finally happened! I wonder what the over/under was on that one…" Crowley smiled as he rounded the living room to sit in the recliner. "You will have to tell me where you're registered. I can't wait to see the engagement photos."

"What the fuck, Crowley? What do you want?" Dean pulled himself up and stood, ready to go to blows. He wasn't exactly a morning person to start with, but making fun of his feelings and catching him in a sensitive chick flick type moment– let's just say murdering the King of Hell wasn't off the table.

"Well, first of all, the story of how this little thing came together." He motioned with his finger between the hunter and the angel. Dean looked away as his cheeks reddened. "But more importantly, I'm here with business."

"We have no business with you." Castiel finally found his voice, out of his mind irritated. What little peace he may have found with Dean now hung in question – would they ever catch a break?

"Oh contraire, but I think this might interest you both. And the moose. Where is the moose?" He looked around. "I'm assuming he wasn't invited to your 'private' party last night?"

"Jesus Crowley, just get on with it."

He sighed and pulled a small map from his coat, putting it out for Dean to grab. "You boys are no fun."

"What is this?" Dean opened the parchment carefully – it was pretty old. Ancient, actually. The writing was unrecognizable. If he had to guess, it looked a bit like a treasure map – which would be really exciting if it wasn't just handed to him by someone who would never give him anything that fun. He frowned and handed it to Cas.

"Why, it's a treasure map Dean!" Crowley beamed. "Aren't you excited?"

"Something tells me you aren't trying to treat me for my birthday."

"Looks to me like Castiel here already gave you a birthday treat. He can give you another one for me, later." He winked. "That is a map to a particular object that Amara really wants. I need you boys to fetch it."

"Since when are we your errand boys and further," Dean's voice raised "Why on earth would we do anything to help the darkness?"

"I didn't say I intend for her to get this object. I don't even know why she needs it exactly. I just want to keep it out of her hands and the best way to do that, is if you have it."

"Seems to me it would be easy for you to tell to us fetch it, let her know we have it, and then she comes to destroy us and take the object." Dean said, running his fingers through his short blond hair. Cas was a little disappointed in the act because he had just a moment before realized what Dean's bed-head looked like, and it was really appealing.

"That does sound like something I would do…" Crowley's finger danced circles around the head of his cane. "And as a matter of fact that would be a good plan except for one tiny detail – she scares the crap out of me. I don't want her to have this object any more than you do – sure I want to be on her side when it all goes down but I'm not too keen on it 'all going down' if you know what I mean."

Cas could see the skepticism on Dean's face, but he had to admit Crowley had a point. But now that the choice was presented to them, what options did they have? He looked at the map – most of it was written in Sanskrit, but some words were foreign to him.

"What is the object?" Cas asked, still turning and examining the map.

"Here's the thing – I actually don't know. All I know is, it has the power to compel angels."

Dean and Cas shared a glance of panic. "What do you mean, compel angels?"

"Well I'm assuming it means to control them. Why? Well other than for evil, I don't know." Crowley sat up, straightening his shirt. "I figured it would be of particular interest to you boys – so does that mean you'll go fetch?"

Dean shot a side eyed glance at Crowley but turned his attention to Cas, silently looking for advice. Cas pursed his lips and shrugged – what choice did they have? When the alternative is just "or it ends up in the wrong hands"?

"Yeah Crowley, we'll get it done. But you'll owe us one."

"No, I won't but good on you for trying. Now – I trust you'll fill in the moose when he awakes from his slumber?" Neither man stopped frowning at the King of Hell to respond. "Ok, well, I'm sure you will. Ta ta!"

In a flash he was gone and they were left alone in the warm living room. Castiel continued to mull over the map – it wasn't that it was hard to read, but it was cryptic. An odd symbol here, the word "angel" and "lute" in another corner. The terrain of the map looked like Egypt, or somewhere in the middle east, if he had to guess.

"The best I can tell this object isn't anywhere around here, or even in the United States." He frowned, turning to Dean. "I'm afraid we may have to go quite a distance to retrieve it."

Dean was silent and deathly still. It was then that he noticed his fists clenched tightly to his side. He was absolutely livid with anger.

"Dean?"

"Just – leave it alone Cas!" He barked. "I – I'm going to go wake up Sam."

Castiel watched Dean storm from the room in shock. He had been afraid of this reaction – he chided himself for being so careless as to reveal his feelings without thread of impending death for one or both of them to eliminate the whole "afterward" bit. And for what, a kiss? Well, more than a few kisses. But nothing was worth their friendship to him – even if it meant never saying a word again about his stronger feelings. He had to set this right. He got up and followed the hunter down the hall.

Whack! Whack! Dean slammed an open palm against Sam's bedroom door. "Sammy! Put on your bunny slippers and get out here – we have a problem."

Castiel could hear Sam's muffled response as he approached the door, looking up at Dean. "Hey – can we please talk?"

"I think I've had enough talking." Dean rushed past him and into his bedroom, slamming the door. What an ass. Cas's nostrils flared with anger. The rejection stung deep, and he walked further to reach his room. He started to get dressed in a huff and thought better of it – his feet were filthy from last night. He grabbed a towel and crossed the short distance to the bathroom.

The room filled with steam as he pulled off his overcoat and sweatpants. It mirrored the rage now threatening to cloud his mind. Of course this is the direction things went – what did he expect. He loved Dean, but he was never under any illusions that actually confessing it would get him anywhere but here. So why was he surprised? And why did he have to be such a dick about it?

Warm water poured down his shoulders and the rest of his taught frame. It was rare that he needed to shower at all, but something about washing his body usually calmed him down, especially his feet. Probably because back in the day washing one's feet was such a humbling ritual, the cleansing of a soul. People just don't do that anymore – they don't appreciate a good anointing. He used the bath bar to scrub at his skin, and ran some shampoo through his hair. The boys would either wait for him or not – it didn't really matter how long he stayed in the shower though he quietly hoped they would wait.

Sometime later and half an ounce calmer, he turned off the shower, grabbing the towel from the rack. He rubbed his body down briskly, and threw the towel around his waist. The cold air of the bunker was a stark contrast to the bathroom, but it awakened his senses and started to clear his head. If this was how Dean was going to react, there wasn't much he could do about it – might as well try to help them out.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a figure, just as his hand reached his bedroom door. Turning his head he saw Dean about ten feet away, leaving his bedroom. The stood frozen looking at one another – Cas with his mouth open slightly, Dean looking like a deer in headlights. Castiel's body was freckled with water droplets not sopped up by his towel, which hung very low on his hips. His black hair was tousled and wet. If he was being honest, this was probably a pretty sexy state for his vessel to be in. Dean audibly swallowed air and then cleared his throat before he spoke.

"If you're done putting on your makeup, Cas, we have a job to do. Are you in?"

Ass

"Yeah, give me a second." What the fuck was his problem, anyway? It wasn't like Cas was pressing him to talk or even to kiss again. This was frustrating. He threw on his clothes (and shoes) and made his way to the study where Sam had already pulled out several books on the subject.

"Morning, Cas. How'd you sleep?" Sam said pleasantly, not looking up from the book he was reading. Dean shot Cas a look that made it very clear he didn't want same to know exactly how it was that he got a good night's sleep.

"Uh, fine. Thanks for asking." He walked over to the coffee pot on the table (Sam was always pretty conscientious about setting the timer on the coffee so it's fresh in the morning.) and poured himself a cup. "Have you found that weird cat symbol yet?"

"Not so far – Dean said you thought this was going to involve some traveling?"

"Yes. I recognize that area – I think it's in Egypt or the middle east somewhere. I'd have to look at another map to be sure."

"Why don't you use the internet, while I keep looking?" Sam closed his book and picked up another. The entire time Sam and Cas talked, Dean sat at the end of the table silent, sipping his coffee and staring past both of them into the next room. They all remained silent for a time while the two researched. His attitude was putting Cas in a piss poor mood, and sooner or later Sammy the empath was going to pick up on all this tension.

"I think I found something!" Sam suddenly said, pushing the book towards Castiel and pointing.

"Hmmm, yes." Sam was pointing to an ancient symbol that was most often found in some of the older temples of Saudi Arabia, just outside of Mecca.

"Get this - the cat is a symbol of Egyptian culture, but this particular symbol looks to be from a sect that branched off and made their way into Saudi Arabia around the time of the pyramids. It looks like it's found in some temples outside of Mecca." Sam was entirely too excited about the prospect of real, international travel to pick up on the bad moods flying across the table. "Castiel, you can't exactly fly us all out there, can you?"

Cas frowned. "No, I really can't. This grace is – fickle. I still have some of my original grace in there somewhere, but it's nowhere near where I'd feel comfortable traveling with either of you across that distance." He stood. "I will go and retrieve this object myself."

"Like hell you will!" Dean grumbled from the end of the table, finally joining in the conversation. "Didn't you catch the part where Crowley said that this object can be used to 'compel' angels? Exactly what are we supposed to do if you get there and this thing takes you over?"

"Dean's right." Sam took the book back and flipped a few pages. "We'll all go. I'll see if I can book us some flights out of Kansas City. Cas, do you still have your driver's license? Give it to me and then go pack."

Cas took his wallet out of his coat and tossed it on the table. He glared at Dean, but he was looking in the opposite direction. Just as well, Cas was done with this childish bickering - he could stay mad for all he cared.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Sometime later they were packed up and driving to the airport. The first flight they could find was a red eye, not that Dean or Cas would be sleeping a wink. Castiel was surprised that Dean was even flying without so much as an argument – in fact the entire hour ride so far had been in complete silence. Sam had tried to start a few conversations but they all fell flat. So instead he just droned on for a while about TSA and flight protocols, as Cas had never flew before. Truthfully, he didn't have to take the flight with them – but they all decided that in case he ended up needing his angel mojo they'd rather he have it fully charged up than depleted from the trip. Frankly their treatment of him post curse coupled with Dean's rejection was leaving Cas feeling pretty awful. He stared out the window of the Impala, watching terrain change from rugged to urban.

They gathered their tickets and things without incident. They left a duffle bag full of weapons in the car, so that Cas could use his angel mojo to fetch them once they passed through security.

"Beep beep!"

The TSA agent (a small Chinese woman) put a hand out as Dean passed through the x-ray scanner. He turned around to look at Sam in a panic.

"It's ok man, you probably just have some change in your pockets." Dean hurried back and dumped a fist full of change into the small plastic bin with a huff. Castiel watched him from behind Sam.

"Beep beep!"

"What the hell?!"

"Sir, I'm going to need you to calm down!" The agent barked at him from the other side of the machine. "Please remove your belt and shoes and place them on the conveyor belt."

"My what?"

"Sir, your belt and shoes."

Dean looked as if she had just asked him to shove his own hand into a garbage disposal. He grabbed his boots, throwing them into the plastic bin and the unlatched his belt. His pants fell slightly so they just rested low on his hips. Sam could hardly contain a laugh at the whole scene. Dean put up his hands as he walked into the x-ray machine for the third time, finally making it through. It was probably for the best – if he had been stopped again, Cas was reasonably sure he'd begin a murderous rampage right there.

"Thank you!" He said sarcastically as he grabbed his duffle bag and shoes off the conveyer belt. Sam and Cas followed closely behind through the rest of security as Dean made his way ahead towards the gate.

"What is his deal, anyhow?" Sam murmured to Cas as they walked a short distance behind him.

Cas shrugged – where does he even start?

"Dude – you gotta tell me something. He's been a bigger ass today than I can remember since he was a demon – and that's saying something. Did something happen with Crowley?"

"He, uh – " Cas started. He knew Dean would be upset with him if he told Sam about their kiss – but he really could use Sam's council. The hunter had always been incredibly compassionate when it came to his brother and seemed to understand him when Cas couldn't. Besides – he was still a little pissy with Dean's rejection and maybe was just fine with things the bugged Dean right now.

"Crowley found us in a rather, uh, compromising position this morning." Cas whispered hastily.

Sam's eyes widened in shock and he covered his mouth with the back of his hand to stifle a laugh. Castiel immediately regretted sharing anything with him – if he said anything, there was less of a chance of Dean letting Cas even hug him again. Thank God Dean was far enough ahead of them to miss the shock on his brother's face.

"I shouldn't have said anything…please don't tell your brother…"

"No! No…" Sam waved his hand, giving him a smile. He ran a hand through his long brown hair as he composed himself. "No, Cas I'm so glad you told me. That explains a lot. And I'm so glad that you guys finally admitted it."

Now it was Castiel's turn to be shocked. He stopped mid step, facing the younger Winchester but couldn't find the words. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Uh, Cas – it was obvious. At least to me, but I'm Dean's brother. He's had a crush on you for years."

All of the anger and rejection he had felt earlier turned to elation. Dean had a crush on him? For a while? This was at once wonderful and terrible news. Wonderful for obvious reasons but terrible because it wasn't as if either one of them were particularly good at the whole what comes next bit. People swirled around them as they stood in the middle of the walkway but everything was a blur as his brain processed what all of this could mean.

"Well so, how do I? I mean, what do I do?" Castiel spat out, looking up at Sam's warm smile.

"Well first of all, I'm really creeped out about giving love advice for my brother, so I'll make this short." Sam turned them to start walking again towards their gate again. "If I were you – no scratch that, that's disgusting. Look, Dean is completely gun shy about feeling, well, feelings towards anyone to start with. Couple that with the fact that he's never really looked at a guy the way he looks at you and well – I can see why he's reacting like an exposed nerve."

Cas nodded. "Any advice you have would be appreciated. I feel like we were really making some progress before Crowley showed up."

"Yeah, I don't really want to know about the 'progress' you two were making." Sam made a quotation gesture, squished his face and looked ahead.

"So, you don't want to hear about your brother and I kissing?" the angel was very confused, as now he felt like Sam wasn't going to help him.

"Uh, no Cas I mean, its fine. I'll give you advice with Dean just – I don't need the gory details."

"I assure you, neither Dean nor I were harmed during our-"

"Not! Not 'gory' literally. I just don't need the details of what you two do physically, ok?" Sam raised an eye brow as they reached their gate.

"Understood." Cas set down his duffle bag and looked around – they had lost sight of Dean some time ago. Sam didn't seem to be worried, but Cas was a little. The airport was a bustle of movement and smells – people rushing in one direction or another. There was soft music playing, but nothing that sounded very familiar, and occasionally he'd hear some overly pleasant voice looking for a passenger. He sat next to Sam who was fiddling with his phone cable to plug it in for a charge.

Across from them sat an older couple – maybe in their late seventies. They were sharing a hot dog – the man, with his wilted fingers would raise the hot dog to his wife's lips and then gently wipe her mouth after she took a bite. They didn't look starving or poor, but her hands shook where they were resting on her lap. Obviously, she couldn't find the strength in them to feed herself. He took a bite afterward, and smiled at her. She smiled back. The feeling of contentment, even as their bodies were failing them was palpable, and it made Cas proud of humanity. It wasn't often that he felt that way. Love was so powerful and yet so completely simple – as simple as sitting in companionable silence, eating a greasy airport hot dog and feeling blessed by the other's company. How amazing.

From across the walkway Dean came walking towards the men, his arms full of food and a smug grin on his face. Cas had to smile – as complex as the hunter is with most things, he was always just simply pleased with food that was terrible for you. He handed both of them a soft pretzel as he sat down.

"Oh man, this place is filled with the crapiest food! It's better than a mall!" Dean said eagerly between mouthfuls of something labeled "Cinnabon". It smelled … _fantastic_. Cas reached out to grab a piece without thinking – he had to taste whatever smelled like that - but Dean slapped his hand away.

"Get your own."

Clearly, the food hadn't completely fixed his mood. Castiel glanced at Sam who just shrugged. Might as well enjoy the pretzel.

A short time later, they had boarded the plane with little incident. Cas had ghosted out briefly after finishing his deliciously greasy pretzel to grab their duffle full of weapons, which they loaded into the overhead storage bin. The plane had about 50 rows with two seats on each side – they couldn't all sit together. Dean immediately had taken the aisle seat (as if being closer to the aisle meant he could run faster from any threats on the plane?) and Sam, obviously trying to force a conversation between the two of them (or avoid his completely panicked brother) took the seat in front of them, leaving Cas to squeeze past Dean into the window seat. Sam pushed in some headphones and began flipping through one of the books they had brought – fat lot of help he was going to be with a panicky Dean.

As the flight taxied to the runway, Castiel could feel Dean get even tenser. His breathing was short and quick. He was having a really quiet panic attack. Hands gripped the arm rests tightly as he squeezed his eyes closed. All of the anger of the day Cas had felt just faded as he watched Dean. He hated to see him in distress – and this was the most he had ever seen him.

They stopped and the engines began to get louder as the plane began to jet down the runway, picking up speed.

"Dean – you know that if anything happens to the plane, I can get you and Sam out of here safely." Castiel leaned over and spoke softly.

"That's not the point, Cas." Dean said through gritted teeth as the plane lifted and took off. There was sweat at his temples, and he was absolutely hyperventilating. As they caught air the plane dropped slightly with weight, then continued to climb. Castiel could hear his heart racing in his chest, and his stomach gave a mean gurgle. Without giving it more thought, he calmly reached out and put his hands on the hunter's cheeks.

"Look at me, Dean."

"Not a good time!" Dean spat, scrunching his face up.

"Damnit Dean, just trust me!" Castiel boomed, shaking his face slightly. The tone of his voice started him and he opened bright green eyes, frightened. Cas focused the parts of his own grace (however slight he had left) that he knew had mirrors in Dean and send a wave of calming energy through their connection. To be honest, it wasn't something he even thought would work, but it made sense – if he could push his energy and grace to banish demons, he must be able to push it for something more productive and good.

The effect was instant. Dean's entire body slouched, and he blinked like he was trying to regain focus. After a moment he took his hands and placed them over Castiel's.

"What was that?" He asked in wonder, looking into the angels eyes.

"I just wanted you to feel calm, so I used my grace to project that onto your consciousness."

"Oh," Dean gave a slight smile. He looked a little high. "I didn't know you could do that."

"To be fair, I didn't know either. I suppose I ran the risk of accidentally making your head explode."

"Well, it's nice to know that afterward." Dean took a deep breath, closing his eyes but not moving his hands. He let the air pass through pursed lips. Cas found himself staring at those lips, remembering not a day before how they felt so strong against his own. He wanted to take them into his mouth now and suck, reddening them slightly as the blood pooled in that lower lip. But he remained frozen watching with wonder at his own discovery and Dean's newfound calm demeanor.

"How are you feeling?" Cas asked, head tilted.

"So, so much better. It was like I was so paralyzed with fear and now I can breathe again." Dean moved his hands down and so did Cas, but they kept facing each other. "I'm still not so great with flying, but this is better."

"I'm glad." Cas gave a small smile.

"Hey I'm – look, I'm sorry about earlier." Dean started. "Crowley just showed up and I got embarrassed – I didn't mean to take it out on you."

Castiel knew he could go two directions here – he could act like it wasn't a big deal, or let him know how much his rejection hurt. If he let him know that it hurt, Dean could end up going on the defense again – but he thought about those two elderly lovers in the gate, sharing a hot dog. They were probably always honest with each other. Seemed like a good way to go.

"That really hurt, Dean." Cas said hesitantly, as if he was waiting for an explosive reaction. Instead what he was met with was sympathetic eyes.

"I'm kind of an ass, dude. You knew that getting into this. I'm going to try to not be, but my instinct is to run like hell or act like I don't care."

"Truthfully, I'm not sure how to move forward." Castiel put his hands in his lap and tilted his head. "You're terrible at relationships and so am I, from inexperience. All I know is, I care for you more than just as a good friend. I want to be with you – I want to be physically with you." His voice dropped on the last few words and Dean's eyes narrowed as he looked away, clenching his fists subtly at his sides. He sucked in his breath.

"Are you feeling frightened of flying again? Cas noted his change in posture. "I can try to calm you?"

"No- uh, no that was just- what you said-"Dean leaned closer to the angel. "Damnit Cas, that was hot."

His words shot a straight line to Castiel's gut and groin. He turned his ocean blue eyes to the hunter, and subtly (but not unintentionally) licked his lips. His green eyes dilated as he watched his tongue dart out, and then he smiled.

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"That thing with your tongue. It's very distracting."

"I didn't realize you had something else you needed to concentrate on right now."

Dean leaned forward, closing the gap between the two of them. He waited a hair from Castiel's lips, breathing heavily. The smell of him was intoxicating – Castiel bathed in it. Sweat, salty food, but underneath all that just – Dean. His scent. He closed his eyes to it, focusing on the hunter's breath ghosting across his mouth.

"Damnit, Dean." He whispered, "Are you going to kiss me?"

Castiel's voice was demanding and Dean moved instantly, taking in his lower lip and biting down ever so slightly. Cas sighed into his mouth and reached his hands to rest on Deans legs, open palmed and grabbing. The kiss was feverish - sharp. Cas grunted as Dean leaned harder against him, crushing their noses against each other...

"Would you like a drink?"

They broke apart quite suddenly with a smacking sound as the flight attendant stared at them quite plainly, as if what they were doing wasn't earthshattering. To the outside world, it wasn't – but their hearts were thundering in their chests.

"Uh, yeah." Dean managed to get out, "I'll have a beer."

"Me too" Castiel said through raw lips. He took a deep breath and watched as the attendant pulled two beers

from her cart and opened them, handing each man a cold bottle.

"How much do I owe you?" Dean asked, reaching in his back pocket for his wallet.

The blond American woman smiled. "Sir, beer and wine are complimentary on international flights."

Dean's jaw dropped.

"You're joking."

"No, sir. Can I get you something else? We'll be coming around in about an hour with dinner."

"What?! There is food on here too?!"

Sam, who seemed to have figured out what was happening, pulled his headphones and turned around laughing to face the three of them. "You'll have to excuse my brother, he's never flown international before. He'll have another beer."

The three men proceeded to drink and eat the flight away, joking and laughing. Around the seventh hour, Castiel began to nod off – they hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. He shut his eyes and leaned his head towards the window. It wasn't comfortable but it would do. The feel of Dean next to him was very calming – though the sound of the plane was loud, he could still hear the brothers talking

next to him. He thought about praying – they certainly could use it. But he really preferred to pray out

loud, and he didn't want Sam to hear him. To his surprise, he realized he was fine with Dean hearing him talking to his father. The thought was very comforting.

After a few minutes the two boys were quiet and then, ever so hesitantly, Cas felt Dean rest his head on his shoulder. They drifted off to a dreamless sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The airport in Jeddah was nothing like Kansas City – it was hot, crowded and dirty, with people bustling back and forth through the terminals. It was filled with men either in traditional Muslim clothing or obvious business men from around the globe there for the oil and gas industry. Castiel had been in every part of the world before – none of this was new to him. It had of course been years since he'd been to Mecca, but he remembered it well enough. Dean and Sam, however, looked around with absolute wonder – it occurred to him that neither of them had been out of the United States before.

"Guys, did you have a plan once we got here?"

Sam shrugged. "Honestly, we never plan trips, we just – go. And figure it out along the way. Though now that we're here, I'm really feeling like fish out of water."

"Well, I speak Arabic, so I'd be happy to translate for us."

Both brothers looked at Cas like he had just grown a third head.

"Really? I am an angel of the Lord – did you not think I knew all the languages of men?"

Dean gave him an incredulous look. "Uh, I guess I never really thought about it."

"I have more to offer than just 'angel mojo' guys."

They reached the outside of the airport, and the hot, humid air hit them with a blast as they passed through the doors. The outside seemed no less chaotic – taxis racing and people yelling. It was about 10:30 in the morning - plenty of day left to explore but to the Winchesters it felt closer to midnight. Sam reached an arm out towards a car, in what can only be described as the universal "hail a taxi cab" gesture. The black vehicle stopped, and a young Arab man jumped out to reach for their bags.

"Where to?" he asked quickly, opening the door for Dean. The hunter gave him a blank stare, and then turned his head to Cas.

"He wants to know where we're going?" Cas asked, getting into the front seat.

"I guess, well, Mecca? I figure we'll start there, as the map isn't exactly to scale or accurate to today's geography." Sam explained to Cas, but the man seemed to understand. Oddly enough it didn't seem to faze him at all that three white men were headed to the Islamic capital of the world. They all hopped in the car and he sped off towards the temple.

The trip into Mecca was short – the sights outside of the taxi were not unfamiliar to Cas but he had to admit, it may have been several decades since he had been here. They passed completely poverty stricken "towns" (if you could even call them that) before coming into a metropolitan of movement. The boys were silent behind him – a rare (lack of) sound. They both had their faces pasted to the windows, trying to take in all the sights. He was suddenly sad for them – for all the work they've done to save humanity, they've seen very little of it. Though he could blame that on Dean's fear of planes, he actually thought it had more to do with the fact that they never took proper vacations like most humans. Maybe when this whole darkness thing was handled, he could show them the best parts of the planet, his favorite parts. The beaches in northern California, the volcanos in Costa Rica, the bustle of traffic in downtown Edinburgh, Scotland – the thought of teaching them for once a little about life made him smile.

As they reached Kaaba in Mecca, it got increasingly harder to drive – people were walking in the streets, cutting off the cab driver. To his credit he kept reasonably calm – but he could feel his companions getting anxious – well, at least one in particular.

"It's ok, just let us off here." Cas told the driver, and opened his door to exit as the car slowed to a stop. He stopped sharply in a panic – he didn't have any currency. He was so used to traveling without it, he hadn't even thought before they got in the cab…

"Cas, can you ask him how much we owe him?" Sam reached into his pocket and produced a large fold of bills. The cab drivers eyes lit up.

"400 riyal!" He held out his hand. Cas translated - Sam frowned and ducked his head back in the car. The meter, though elementary, read 275.

"Nice try though." Sam said with a smirk, handing the man 300 and grabbing his duffle bag. Dean had been staring off into the distance, watching the people as they rushed by. Mostly men, all dressed head to toe in full white robes, though it was easily 85 degrees. Cas was already sweltering in his overcoat, and he could see the perspiration starting to form at Dean's temples. He caught his eye as he turned back towards the car and to the angel's surprise, he half smiled. He threw the duffle bag over his shoulder.

"Good thinking Sammy – should have counted on you to make sure we had money here. I didn't even think about it."

"Well, per usual, I'm the brains of the operation." He laughed, turning to face the other two men. Dean scoffed.

"And I'm the pretty face. Let's get a move on – we're burnin' daylight."

Their search of the main temple in Mecca proved fruitless – it was a shame that they were on a mission, otherwise it would have been much more enjoyable. Kaaba was so beautiful, and it always humbled Cas to see humanity bow in prayer with such reverence. In prayer repetition and pilgrimage they found peace and solace – he only wished it could be that simple for him.

The sun began to set as they finished their day – they had mostly forgotten to eat, but found a small stand outside of the temple and gorged themselves on the cuisine. Well, at least Sam and Dean did – Cas looked off into the distance.

"Hey, Earth to Cas – you here with us?" Sam said, between mouthfuls.

Cas bit his bottom lip in thought – he was worried about the mission. "I honestly didn't think it would be so hard to find this symbol here, but we've got nothing – not even a lead."

"There are more temples on the outskirts of town – we will check a few of them tomorrow." Dean wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, belching quietly.

"Yea…" He drifted off, staring back at the main temple as people poured from it, going back to their homes and families.

"Here." Dean interrupted his thoughts and handed him his shawarma, warmly wrapped in paper. "Food helps."

 _Food helps him_ , Cas thought, but took a bite anyway, keeping his eyes locked with the hunters. They stared comfortably while he chewed. Ok. It was pretty damn good – the flavors swirled in his mouth and the feeling of food in his stomach was somewhat comforting. He smiled, and took another bite before handing it back to Dean.

"That's better." Dean smiled back.

"That looks fine." Sam pointed to a motel of sorts, "Tell him to pull over."

Cas spoke with the driver and their car pulled up alongside a motel. They gathered their belongings and made their way inside. It was decorated very plainly – obviously they were trying to emulate a more American style motel, but without any of the bells and whistles – in fact none of them. He walked up to the counter to speak with the receptionist – an overweight man in his late fifties with the biggest eyebrows he had ever seen.

"Hello, do you have any vacancies?" Cas asked, looking behind him at a sea of keys on the wall.

"Obviously." The man grumbled, then raised an eyebrow at the boys, holding up three fingers. "Three?"

Cas paused briefly. Generally speaking, the Winchesters always shared a room with two beds. If the three of them traveled together, they would get an extra room for Cas, or he just wouldn't sleep as he doesn't really need to. However, this time Cas really wanted to get a chance to talk with Dean alone about - well - things. On the other hand, they were in a very religious country that would frown upon males sharing a room for anything more than to save some money. He didn't want to draw attention to themselves, but...

"Yea, three." Dean piped up behind him, guessing his question and nodding to the man. He grunted and turned, pulling three keys off the wall. "Cas, just give him this credit card."

Cas handled the rest of the transaction with the man before grabbing his bag and key and heading up to his room. He had to admit he was pretty disappointed that Dean wouldn't be sharing a room with him tonight, but maybe it was best if they kept they kept professional while they were on the job.

"Let's just get some sleep, we'll try again tomorrow." Sam said as he reached his door. Dean nodded, sticking the key in the lock to the door across the hall. The angel walked past the both of them as he unlocked the door next to Dean's to an incredibly basic room. Bed - tv - toilet - shower. Actually nice by the standards of the rest of Saudi Arabia, but they were in one of the bigger cities.

He wasn't all that tired - more irritated from the day. They had no luck exploring Mecca; it was a beautiful city, but no where did they find the cat- like symbol they were searching for, nor had anyone heard of it. Another0 part of him wasn't thinking about the mission at all - he hoped he would feel _something_ there - just a piece of heaven or his father in a book, a building, the eyes of someone praying - but there was nothing. The world was so void of His presence. Some desperate part of him wondered how he could go on, just living day to day with that feeling of emptiness from the lack of heaven and his brethren. He sat on the corner of the bed and faced the small window that overlooked the ally way behind the hotel. In the distance he could see the moon, slightly fuller than he had seen it just a few days before in the woods of Kansas.

Castiel must have been there for a while, unmoving, contemplating the world around him and the day because when he heard a knock he nearly jumped out of his skin. He moved quickly to the door, grasping the angel blade and quickly threw it open, ready to attack.

"Seriously dude?!" Dean threw his hands up and stood back. "What kind of attacker knocks first?!"

Cas shook his head and put his blade down on the small table near the door. "Sorry Dean, I was distracted and you startled me. Why aren't you asleep?"

He looked irritated as he made his way past Cas and into the room. "I just - couldn't sleep. This place, man. I don't normally feel like a damn Christmas tree in July when we're in the states, you know? Maybe it's just the jetlag." Dean sat on the bed, hands in his pockets.

"I'm sorry that you feel that way." Cas sat next to him, and looked back up at the moon. The bed underneath him was warm - he had been sitting longer than he thought. "How can I help?"

There was a beat before he spoke; Dean's voice was low. "I didn't come in here to talk, Cas."

The mood of the room shifted drastically.

"What did you come in here for, Dean?"

Dean quietly fidgeted - strange, after such a forward declaration. Cas had never known him to be nervous, especially when it came to - well - anything physical. He kept his focus on the floor just in front of his feet. The room was terribly hot - he thought idly about opening that window for some fresh air. They sat in silence for a few moments, neither of them wanting to make the first move.

"What did you mean, when you said you wanted to be with me physically, on the plane?" Dean asked, his voice uncharacteristically small. Castiel couldn't tell if he was nervous to say it, or embarrassed. Maybe both. Either way, he wasn't exactly feeling like this was going in the right direction. If he knew Dean at all, he knew talking wasn't going to help this situation - action was.

Castiel stood and shed his overcoat, tossing it onto the table next to his blade. The sudden movement drew Dean's attention to him and he gave him a look that was part confusion, part lust and a little fear. Not fully thinking out his actions, he kept taking off clothing - first his tie, then unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it from where it was tucked into his pants. He tossed both articles onto the table and then pulled at his belt, loosening it and pulling it deftly through the loops. His grey slacks hung to his hips. The heat of the room was already making his body damp with perspiration. All the while, he kept his steel blue gaze locked with Dean. When he reached the top button to his pants, Dean suddenly stood.

"Stop - Cas." Dean stood and reached forward, putting his hands around Castiel's taught waist. His thumbs brushed against his hip bones. "You don't need to strip for me."

"Is this not what you want?" Cas bit his lower lip. Maybe he had misjudged...?

"Fuck, yes." Dean's fingers tightened as his nails dug into pale skin. "I just wanted to join in."

Without another thought, Cas reached his arms out and grabbed the bottom of Dean's ratty shirt, pulling it over his head. He looped his fingers into the front pockets of his jeans and pulled him sharply to his pelvis, bumping their hips together. Oh God, did he _ever_ want him. He took a moment to take it all in - his chest, lightly dusted with blond hair, his neck showing a few days' stubble, at the corner of his jawline the pounding of his pulse. Dean reached his head in and their lips met in a hot, open mouthed kiss. They both smelled like the dust of the day and were slightly slick with sweat, hands moving across the others body. Cas could feel a growing heat in his groin and he was vaguely aware of something of Dean's poking him as well.

Deans mouth moved down Castiel's neck as he reached around and grabbed his ass, grinding against him. The sensation was electric, and Cas let out a cracked moan, reaching his hands into his short blond hair. His breath came in sharp hisses and suddenly he very much wanted to be horizontal. Using too much of his strength he pushed Dean too far onto the crappy bed, nearly missing cracking his head against the wall.

"Dean! Shit!" Cas moved towards him, but the damned man just burst into loud laughter, his face lit up with mirth. Not feeling very slick, Cas couldn't help but smile as he crawled onto the bed next to him. When Dean smiles like that - it's like the sunshine itself.

"Well, I suppose that's what I get for making out with an all-powerful angel!" He said between chuckles, rubbing the back of his head and settling himself against a pillow. Cas reached out to touch the back of his head gingerly - it didn't seem like there was any damage. He sighed a bit with relief - that could have gone a bad way really quick. It felt like he was doing some sort of odd dance with Dean - keep him happy and comfortable, but walk on eggshells because at any moment he could spin on a dime and push all of this away. Instead, Dean pulled him close and bit Castiel's full bottom lip.

"I like that you're rough, Cas." His voice was deep. He ran his finger nails down his back, lightly at first, then hard as he reached his ass. "Keeps this interesting."

"Dean I could- ugn." Dean took his earlobe into his mouth and sucked, hard. "I could really hurt you."

"Yeah, you could." He let go of the ear, but stayed close. "But you won't. You're a fighter Cas, and damn it all to hell, it's what turns me on about you. Don't treat me like a fucking doily - I want to feel how much you want me." The words were under lit with coals, simmering out of his mouth and into the angel's ears. Cas's eyes rolled into the back of his head with the pleasure of his declaration.

Cas leaped on top of Dean, pressing their pelvis's together and catching his lips in a wet kiss. They were both rock hard, pushing against each other. The hunter reached between them suddenly and ran his hand up Castiel's length, pressing against his pants. Cas hissed and dropped his head to Dean's shoulder - the pleasure rocking him to his core with one touch.

"That - ah" Dean moved his hand away, placing it on his back.

"Too sensitive?" Cas nodded against his chest. They lay for a moment and breathe, then Dean rolled them over so that they lie facing each other again. His eyes were filled with concern as Castiel's met them.

"We can stop..." Dean's words were strained. Clearly that wasn't an option he wanted to take but he was ever a gentleman in these types of situations - even to another gentleman.

"No!" Cas over-reacted, worried that any departure or change in pace would scare him off and stuck his hand out to grab Deans. Briefly their fingers interlocked, and then Cas turned his hand and pressed Dean's hand against his erection gingerly. He sucked in a breath at the heat of it, his body tightening with the overwhelming sensation. This was so different from anything he had felt before, though he had to admit his experience was pretty limited.

"We'll just," Dean's hand moved ever so slightly up and down, maintaining pressure, "take this really slow."

Their eyes met and everything else just faded into the background - the skyrocketing temperature of the room, the sounds from the alley way outside, the creak of the bed as they moved - nothing but each other and the unbearable pleasure of Dean touching him. He let out a small moan through dry lips aching for more of this feeling. Deans hand moved a little faster now, a little swifter.

"I want - please touch me." Castiel's words were low and raspy, even by his normal standards. Dean nodded - his face was flushed, his expression part wonder, part desperation - and he reached his hand to unbutton the top of his slacks, then drug his fingers down the zipper. The angel was engorged and was easily freed from his pants. Dean returned his grip and tugged gently at first, quickening his pace. The feeling was overwhelming - waves of ecstasy pulsed through Cas as he threw his head back with a moan. He fisted the sheets underneath his hands, struggling to ground himself.

Somewhere in the back of his brain, barely noticeable through a haze of pleasure, Cas worried that things were going too fast. That at the end of all this, he would come and suddenly everything would be different - worse. Not that any kind of rational thought was even scratching the surface of his brain as Dean continued his ministrations expertly, rubbing his thumb over the underside of his dick, drawing him closer to conclusion. As he approached a plateau he careened his neck forward, wanting his lips to be on Dean's when he came. The moment hit and he drew a sharp breath into his nose and moaned his soulmates name softly against his mouth.

"Dean..."

The sensation faded slowly - haze clouded his eyesight and he blinked to open his eyes, lips still locked with the hunters. The room was scorching but he was vaguely aware of something cool on his stomach. Dean had set him down and was rubbing circles along his bare hip idly, sucking lightly at his lower lip. He pulled away gently.

"You ok?"

Ok? Cas just came harder than he thought was physically possible. From very little contact or effort from Dean, if he was being frank. He was more than ok - he was elated. In a state of physical bliss he didn't know existed. There was the world before and now a totally different world after that moment. But mentally, he was terrified. Now what?

"That was - uh, I..." he started, then took a slow, deep breath. "Thank you."

Dean chuckled. "I should have figured that you would be polite, even after sex."

"Would that be called sex?" Cas asked. Truthfully, he didn't know. There wasn't any penetration involved but he was in a state of euphoria that he'd learned only comes about after making love.

"Well that sounded nicer than just a sad hand job." Deans message was light but his tone had shifted. Castiel's eyes focused sharply – was the happy moment over?

"Now it's your turn." Castiel took his hands and began to work the top button on Dean's jeans. He was clearly still turned on – but he put a hand down on Cas's, stopping him.

"Whoa, what's the rush?" He whispered.

"I just want to make sure that you enjoy yourself." Cas furrowed his brows. He was so worried something was going to go wrong to ruin this moment he almost didn't know which direction to go with it.

"I did enjoy myself – I am." Dean corrected, his thumb running along the edge of Castiel's hand as it rested between them. He didn't meet his eyes, instead looking down towards his chest. "I liked doing that to you." The words were said like a surprising confession.

"I don't understand – you didn't receive any sexual gratification from that at all."

"It wasn't about – Jesus Cas, I forget how little you know about this." His tone was gruff but his face wasn't as he looked up to meet his eyes. "When you're with someone you care about, you care if they, you know," he smiled, "enjoy themselves. I'm not going to say it wasn't weird." He continued, "I've never done that to anyone other than myself before. Wasn't exactly sure how it would work."

"Oh, it worked." Cas spilled before he could catch himself. He looked away.

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, it looks like it did. You can't exactly fake it when you're a guy. I never thought about that – guess it's kind of a perk of hooking up with men…"

Castiel still didn't meet his eye – he wasn't sure what to say to not break the spell…

"Dude, what is your problem?" Dean asked softly. "You're acting like you're waiting for me to hit you or something."

"I just… "He paused, growing tired of his dance they were doing. _The hell with it!_ "I'm waiting for you to reject me Dean. For you to decide this is too weird or wrong and then tell me to go away. Every time we stop kissing I think that is the moment when things will change."

Dean's expression changed. "Why would you think that?"

"Because that's what you have always done. Every time we get close, you push me away. No chick flick moments, no touchy feely crap. And you do it without warning - I can't even predict it – I'm just in the warpath." Castiel's eyes were wide as the words poured from him. He didn't mean to say all of that but the moment the words left his mouth he felt better. Almost like a prayer.

The hunter frowned. "Well I knew I was an asshole, but I didn't realize I was that bad…"

"It's not that you're an asshole." Cas started, changing his tone to one that was a bit more rational. "It's that you're afraid of strong feelings. I get it Dean. You've spent your whole life taking care of others and all they've done is let you down. Even Sam. Even me. You're protecting yourself." He reached out his hand cautiously and cupped his jawline. "But please don't do that with me. I care for you – even if this doesn't continue or we want to stop – I need to know that you'll still be my friend."

"You've never let me down Cas." Dean's voice was steady. "Never. This new bit…I'll admit, it's taken me by surprise. But don't just roll over trying to avoid a fight. If I'm an ass, then call me out on it. I need you to do that."

They were both breathing heavily with their outpouring of feelings – it felt so foreign to the both of them. Cas swallowed and Dean's eyes were instantly at his throat, then back to his eyes.

"I can't guarantee that I'm going to be good at this – the feelings bit, not the physical stuff." Dean winked and reached up, putting his hand over Cas's. "I know that what we're doing feels right to me right now. Just – don't stop being Cas."

Castiel had to smile at that.

"Man, we have been through some shit. We have hurt each other physically and mentally worse than two friends should be able to claim. I think we are due for a win."

"If by a win you mean sad hand jobs, then yes." The angel smirked then leaned forward catching Dean's raw lips in a kiss. It was sweet, but full of meaning.

"Dude, I was joking. That was not a sad hand job. It was an amazing hand job - you should have seen your face."

"Mhm…"

They continued joking and kissing for a few hours. It was the most comfortable they had ever felt with another being – no judgement, no past, just this time and each other. While Castiel was in the middle of explaining the difference between a platypus and a duck and why it was such a huge joke in heaven, he saw Dean's eyes start to shut on their own. He gathered him into his arms and held him while he fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The next morning, they woke in each other's arms slowly, thankfully not horribly interrupted. Castiel had managed to get a few hours' sleep in pieces, but Dean had been out like a light for at least his four hours. The sun had just come up – it would be an hour or so before Sam stirred. Dean tilted his head up and kissed the underside of Cas's jawline, brushing his nose unintentionally against his stubble.

"Morning." Dean sat up, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He blinked a few times, then looked back at Cas. "Yeah this is still weird."

"I feel like that word has a negative connotation." Castiel pushed his arms above his head and stretched, running his fingers through his black hair. He was still shirtless and Dean took a long second to look him over before he answered.

"Not weird bad – weird good. Weird different. Takes some getting used to, is all."

"I could get used to this." Cas smirked, and sat up.

"Yeah, it's not awful." Dean smiled back, leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss. "I'm going to go shower back in my room. I'm not sure if I'm ready for Sammy to know..."

"I understand." _He kind of already knows…._ Cas wasn't sure what to say. Thinking it best to leave it alone, he made plans instead to meet downstairs in the lobby in an hour.

* * *

The three boys made their way to a café about a half block from their hotel. They were seated outside, under a yellow faded umbrella. Their waitress eventually made her way over to them and Cas helped the other two order food – he even ordered a bit for himself. As they finished up, the waitress returned with a coffee pot. Sam reached into his duffle bag.

"Do you think you could ask her about the symbol?" Sam suggested, as he handed Castiel the map. The woman in her early fifties was agelessly beautiful as she refilled his coffee cup. She wore a soft blue hajib and gave him a very warm smile.

"Excuse me miss, have you seen this symbol? On any of the temples around here?"

She set down her glass coffee pot and took the parchment, squinting at it and trying to focus. "Not sure – hold on, I can't see a thing without my glasses – it's so embarrassing." Her laughter had a delightful lightness to it as she reached in her pocket for her spectacles. Putting them on, she looked again. "Oh yes! I've seen this at the Quttah Saghiruh temple about half a mile from here, towards the outside of the city. It's certainly not in use any longer – are you boys here researching something? You're a little old to be students…"

Cas flustered a little – the Winchesters always came up with great lies on the fly but he was terrible at it. He looked to them now but of course they were oblivious, as they couldn't understand a word she just said.

"No we're – we're teachers. Professors. At a university in America. It's called – the University of America."

"Professors? At the University of America? That sounds so exciting…" she winked as she took off her glasses, setting them back in her apron pocket. Rather than pick up the coffee pot she placed her hands on her hips. "It's pretty rare to have such intelligent, handsome young men from America in our café."

"Yes well, thank you for the information." Castiel was perplexed as to why she was still at their table. He turned his attention to Dean, whose focus was bouncing between the angel and the woman in blue, amusement in his eyes. If there was one language that man spoke everywhere, it was body language. The waitress waited half a beat in uncomfortable silence before taking the coffee pot and moving on.

"Man, are you ever clueless Cas." Dean smiled and shook his head as he finished his meal.

"What did I miss?"

"That cougar was ready to take you in the back and teach you your ABC's all over again, if you know what I mean."

Castiel cocked his head and frowned. "I'm afraid I really don't."

Sam nearly choked on his food at Castiel's words, then burst out laughing himself. "Cas, Dean means that she wanted to – you know…" he raised his eyebrows.

"I don't see what cats have to do with that."

"Cats? Oh cougar…" Dean wiped his mouth, sitting back against his chair. "Cougar is what we call an older lady who is out to prey on some handsome younger men, like yourself."

"Older lady? Dean, you do realize I'm older than all of humanity itself, right?" Cas took another sip of his coffee. "If anything, I'm the cat. Cougar. Whatever."

"That's not how it works…" Dean pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Anyway, I don't know why either of you are concerned about Cas hooking up with that lady anyway." Sam mumbled under his breath.

Dean shrugged, then snapped his head up as he glanced at Sam. "What exactly are you getting at Sammy?"

"Well, after the noises I heard last night, clearly he's already getting plenty of action." Sam nonchalantly took a sip of coffee. He was enjoying every second of this. "Thanks for that, by the way."

To their credit, Cas and Dean did not take this moment to share their look of panic, but instead directed it at Sam. Cas with his eyebrows furrowed, Dean with eyes the size of dinner plates. Neither man spoke or made any sudden movements – as if in avoiding any kind of audible or physical reaction they could navigate their way through this moment without ever having to discuss it again. Sam however, was in no mood – likely from having to listen to their activities most of the night.

"Seriously? I'm happy for you guys – it's about damn time. Really. But next time, can we avoid that when we're staying in the crappiest hotel on the planet with paper thin walls? I don't really want to hear either of you doing - that."

His comment was met with silence. Cas sure as hell wasn't going to be the first to speak here – if it were up to him he would be perfectly comfortable with Sam knowing exactly how he felt about his older brother. But Dean was so fickle – even after their conversation, he wasn't sure how this would go…

Dean took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Sam just sipped his coffee like he had asked about the weather.

"Sorry Sammy." Dean smirked, and to his amazement, winked at Cas. "You know how it is – sometimes you just gotta let the wolf howl."

"Oh God, please never say that again." Sam set down his coffee cup, but he was smiling. He stood up, his tall frame casting a shadow over the table – it was already crawling towards noon.

"We'd better get going, it's getting late."

Castiel grabbed the map and smiled at Sam. "Thanks" he whispered, just low enough so Dean couldn't hear, and Sam nodded. It felt so much better that everything was out in the open – Cas never did like secrets, and especially hated when the brothers kept things from each other. He was happy that for once they'd decided to be honest and supportive of each other – almost like they had started to learn their lesson after all these years. Or at least, were giving honesty a try.

* * *

Reaching the temple was no easy feat – they had decided to take off on foot ("Half a mile? Easy!" Sam had declared, eager for some exercise.) but were frequently stopped as the road took them through a merchant's row. Which again might have been easy to navigate if it hadn't been for Dean's bottomless stomach and curiosity. They must have stopped ten times between the café and the temple, trying this and that. This was Dean at his best – with his closest friends, belly full of food, and the promise of a hunt ahead and it filled Cas with contentment to watch him.

The temple itself was fairly unassuming – tall, stone building. Really old for sure, and dilapidated. It was off the beaten path and seemed deeper inside than you would assume at first. Nobody was around – it was completely abandoned. They made their way cautiously inside to a grand first room, spreading out instinctively. The symbol they'd been searching for was carved into stone on the wall of the back of the room – Cas notice it with a sigh of relief.

"Looks like we've found it." Dean made a circle around the room, ending finally on the only hallway that went deeper into the temple. "I think this is the only way forward. Sammy, you wanna take lead?"

As they rounded the first corner, they lost the outside light. Dean and Sam switched on their flashlights and Cas clutched his angel blade under his coat. The corridor was completely silent except for a dripping noise that echoed through the hall. Something was making the hair on the back of Castiel's neck stand on end…

"This is some Indiana Jones shit right here." Dean's gruff voice came from behind Cas as they moved forward. "I should have brought my whip!"

"Do you even have a whip?" Sam whispered, turning sharply at a noise at their feet – just a rat, scurrying across their path.

"Do I have a – of COURSE I have a whip." Dean scoffed. "Because Indiana Jones had a whip, and Indiana Jones was a bad ass. And so am I. Just, you know – at home. I didn't think I'd need it."

"I think I should have the whip – and the hat." Sam piped up. "I'm the one who actually went to college. Indie was a professor."

"You couldn't fit all your hair under that hat."

"Really?" Sam's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Would that make me the small Asian child in this scenario?" Cas added, proud of his growing pop culture knowledge. It had maybe been a few months before that Dean had insisted on sitting him down and making him watch all four movies. They had been educational, to say the least.

"Oh look at that Sammy, he's learning. Our little Cas is growing up." His words were mocking but his tone was light. The hall around them seemed to get smaller – Sam had to duck his head to keep going, and the roof was brushing the top of his own head.

"I think we're running into a dead end…" Sam peered around the next corner. A puff of wind hit the side of his cheek and he pulled his head back as a spear shot past him, narrowly missing his face.

"Shit! Sammy!" Dean pulled the back of the taller man's shirt and effortlessly brought him to his level. His eyes searched for an injury, but Sam seemed fine, albeit bewildered. Despite all that they had been through, and how much bigger Sam was than Dean, when the going got tough Dean could summon the strength to throw Sam across a room if it meant keeping him safe.

"Yea! Woa." Sam peered forward to where the corridor made a sharp right turn. "That was close. I guess this is a bit more Indiana Jones than we thought.

"Awesome…" Dean said under his breath, recovering from the shock. Then the wheels in his brain started turning. "Ok so we need a decoy –"

"I'll do it." Cas stepped forward and bent, picking up an older spear that was along the edge of the wall.

"What?" The tone in Dean's voice was instant panic, and he reached out and grabbed Castiel's arm. "I'm not just going to let you sacrifice yourself, Cas!"

Cas looked down to where Deans hand was gripped around his forearm, then back up to Dean. They locked eyes for a moment – he was in complete awe of such an out pouring of emotion from Dean in front of his brother. He clearly thought Cas was going to sacrifice his own life for the cause, which was stupid, but sweet in it's own way. Maybe this actually would work…

Sam cleared his throat.

"I was just going to use my trench coat on a stick to mimic movement to get all of the spears released."

"Oh." Dean released Cas's arm and looked away, embarrassed.

"Yeah…this whole 'you two sleeping together' thing isn't going to get weird at all…" Sam chuckled.

"Shut up, Sam."

Castiel shrugged off his coat and hung it from the spear. Cautiously, and with the brothers pointing their flashlights forward, he stuck it into the corridor. He heard a slight click before three more spears flew at the coat, the wind pickup up the fabric like an aftershock. Only one of the spears managed to go completely through the overcoat, ripping a hole through the back. He kept it held out there for another few moments with no movement, finally jiggling it up and down trying to see if he could entice another spear out – but nothing came.

"I think that's as good as we're going to get." Dean grumbled, and stepped forward past Cas into the corridor before either man could protest. He braced himself and winced, holding that for a moment before relaxing.

"Looks good, move your asses!" He took out his flashlight again and started walking. Sam glanced at Cas as he passed him, giving him a shrug. Yeah, the stubborn part of Dean wasn't exactly his favorite either.

Luckily the corridor opened up again quickly to another room, open with some light pouring in from an old sunlight. It was easy enough to see the interior and at the other end of the room were two statues of cats sitting atop stone pillars. There wasn't anything particularly ominous about the room – it was quite plain really. Castiel had to admit he was expecting a bit more than just some spears to keep them from this object. The air was somewhat moist; Dean trudged ahead of them almost grunting with each step. As he walked forward the stone beneath his shoe moved – and then Castiel's world went into slow motion.

The first thing he saw was the stone – it creaked slightly downward with Dean's weight. From out of the corner of his eye to the right he saw movement – a hook, unlatched, and a large grey object started moving towards Dean. There was no time - he dove without much thought at the hunter, his hands hitting soft flannel and pushing forward just before his world went completely black.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

When he woke the first thing that came to his mind was his own comfort – he supposed that was from all the time he had spent being mortal. Even the most selfless humans tend to think of themselves and their own well being first, even if when they eventually act it isn't in their own best interest. Which, as he slowly regained consciousness, he could tell he had done.

"Cas?! Cas!" Dean's hands were on his face, lightly slapping his cheeks. He grimaced as the wave of headache hit him suddenly; his body ached but especially his right shoulder and side.

"I'm ok Dean." He murmured, wincing at the sound of his own voice. There was a ringing in his ears that could be confused with a badly miked amplifier. His eyes opened and he saw Dean's concerned green eyes first, still searching him over as if he had missed an injury. He was kneeling at his side – Sam stood behind him, rummaging through his bag frantically.

"I think I have some pain killers in here somewhere…."

"Really – I'm fine…" Castiel took a deep breath and forced his body to sit up. It was incredibly painful but he was able to do it – he had to admit his stolen grace had some serious perks. He felt a tickle at his nose and touched it – blood pooled on his finger tip.

"You don't look fine." Dean was frowning at him, but helped him to his feet nonetheless when Cas struggled to stand. He stood close, like he expected him to fall over at any moment – Cas wasn't sure that he wouldn't.

"What happened?" Castiel asked, grabbing a handkerchief from Sam's hand as he offered it.

"Booby trap number two." Dean pointed over Castiel's shoulder and there, dangling from the ceiling wrapped in rope was a person sized rock. It still swung lightly, like an afterthought, in contrast to the stillness of the rest of the room. From the position Dean was in when it was released, it could have very well killed him.

"That hit me?"

"Well, yea. Because you were stupid enough to DIVE INTO IT."

"I was trying to save you Dean." Really? This guy can turn anything into an argument.

"What he means to say is 'thank you'" Sam chimed in, and held out a bottle of painkillers. Truthfully Cas was already starting to feel better – he was far more resilient than they gave him credit for. Still, it was nice to be cared for by the Winchesters; in their own strange way they were excellent, albeit often argumentative, caretakers. He waved off the offer.

"I'm really fine, thanks Sam." He brushed himself off. "We should keep moving."

"If you're feeling ok - but you took a serious hit, man. If you want to stop we'd understand."

"No, I'm alright." Dean looked skeptical but Sam nodded as he slung his bag over his shoulder and took lead, walking briskly through the two cat statues.

They trudged further into the temple, again losing the light from the room behind them. The walls were lined with cobwebs and they heard a new dripping noise from somewhere unseen. The more they walked the more humid the air got – it was almost getting hard to breath. None of the men talked as they pressed on but Cas could hear the other two struggling to get air into their lungs. Dean was wheezing for sure.

Now it was getting harder to see as well – the air was thick with steam. Their flashlights, reflecting off the opaque air, were nearly ineffective as they trudged forward, moving closer to each other to become a singular walking unit.

"Well this *wheeze* is *wheeze* buckets of *wheeze* fun." Dean's words were hardly out before he started coughing furiously. They couldn't keep going like this….

Just when Castiel was about to turn them around, the corridor opened up again to another room. Though still steamy it was a bit easier to breathe and see. The room was enormous and still fairly dark – their flashlights panned around the interior. It was almost entirely compromised of single pool of water which had a cloud of steam over the top of it. In the center was a cylindrical stone pedestal and on top of that pedestal – a simple silver crown.

"That must be it!" Dean set down his bag and started taking off his shoes. Sam followed suit cautiously, still looking around the room.

"I don't know Dean, that just seems too easy. And how the hell is this water heated?"

"Easier than two booby traps that nearly killed you and Cas?" Dean scoffed. "Look, I don't see anything but hot water between us and the angel crown. And I know I could use a bath. Besides, we're probably on a natural hot spring or something." The other two men frowned at Dean's devil may care attitude, but they didn't stop him – what choice did they have?

Cautiously, Dean stuck a toe into the water – he hissed, snapping his foot back. "Shit that's hot!"

"What was your first clue Dean? The steam?" Sam stuck his foot out and placed it in the water slowly. "It's really not much hotter than a good Jacuzzi. I think if we wade in slowly we could get used to it."

"Why don't I just transport myself to the middle of the lake and grab it?" Cas asked, with his hands on his hips. He didn't mean to look like a petulant child, but he was sick of the other two treating him like he was their lame third wheel, when he was more powerful than the both of them times ten.

"No!" They both answered emphatically, as they took off their pants. Sam set down the flashlights so they pointed upward and lit most of the room.

"We don't know what will happen if you touch the crown." Dean grumbled, pulling off his shirt. "You could lose complete control and reign fiery terror down on all of the world." Cas gave him an exasperated look – what the hell did that even mean?! He just shrugged in his black boxers. "I don't know! It could happen!"

The two brothers began to wade into the water cautiously, complaining and hissing as they went deeper. At some point, when they were about halfway across the pond their caterwauling turned to contentment.

"We really need one of these at the bunker!" Sam stretched and popped his neck – the water was about to the middle of his chest. "I can actually feel the knots loosening in my back."

"You know, for once I agree with you. You should get in the water Cas, it's really nice." Dean turned back and motioned for the angel to join them, who was standing at the shore, arms crossed and frowning.

"No thanks. I still think something is not quite right." Castiel continued to search the room, looking for any signs of a trap. No rope, no out of place stones or sigils – just a murky, steamy room. In a natural hot spring. In Saudi Arabia. Yeah, none of this was making sense…

As the hunters reached the stone pedestal they paused, decided quickly that Dean should be the one to grab it as he was shorter, and then he began to try to climb his brother. It was quite a sight – Sam struggling to help Dean onto his shoulders as Dean tried very hard not to be as manly as possible and not touch his brother _too_ much.

Castiel might have actually relaxed for a moment if he hadn't seen movement out of the corner of his eye.

"Guys – hey guys…" But their bickering was loud – it fell on deaf ears.

"Angel – how dare you set foot in this temple!" A female voice boomed from all places at once around Castiel – it hurt to hear it. He threw his hands up to shield his ears. But the Winchesters didn't respond, and continued arguing as Dean tried to swing his leg onto Sam's shoulder - did they not hear the voice?

"Do you not know the power of the crown? I can inflict pain within you – they'll never even know." And suddenly she was there, looming over him, straight out of the water – a woman, ghostly, pale, with long dark hair and no eyes – just holes. She looked human except for her mouth – the jaw gaped with too many teeth, sharp and discolored. Castiel was frozen on the spot and couldn't move – not from fear, but because none of his muscles responded to his commands. The crown was obviously in her control right now – and she intended to use it.

"Now – stop them!" She bellowed, and soared to the left as Castiel, against his will, ran full speed into the water. It scalded him to the touch and even with his clothes dragging he was fast, climbing towards the brothers. The splashing sounds turned them finally to face Cas with surprised expressions – Dean sitting on top of Sam's shoulders like they were playing a game of Chicken.

"Cas, what the hell?" Dean threw his arms up, throwing his balance off and falling backward off of Sam's shoulders, flailing and crashing into the water. Sam started to laugh casually, not at all worried at the angel charging towards them. The older brother popped his head out of the water with a gasp, smiling at his clumsiness.

 _Guys – I can't control myself! Look at me! Help!_

Castiel made short work of the distance and went directly at Dean, grabbing his head and shoving it under the water. Dean went down easily, then struggled to make his way back to the surface, arms circling underneath the water. Sam was still laughing as Cas stood like stone, unmoving and expressionless.

 _Sam! Look at my face damnit! I can't stop this!_

"Cas, that's enough." Sam chuckled and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Very funny."

"That's right….hold him under…just a bit longer…." The woman was back again, whispering into his ear. His muscles tightened and he struggled harder to resist as he felt Dean begin to scratch at his skin. Bubbles popped up with accompanying sounds of him yelling into the water. Sam's expression turned suddenly to panic.

"Cas – Cas stop now!" He grabbed at Castiel's arms to move them but they wouldn't budge. "What the hell?! Why are you doing this?" Sam shook the angel's shoulders roughly. "Cas, are you in control right now?"

 _Please don't make me do this! I'm killing him!_

"But they were trying to steal my property!" She circled around the three of them, Sam oblivious to the ghoul and looking only at Cas. He put his hands around the angels face, searching for some sign that he was there. All Cas could do was plead with his eyes and hope that Sam could figure out he wasn't in control. Something in the hunter clicked – probably his sense that Dean had been under about a minute now – and he drew back and punched Cas straight across his face.

The hit momentarily stunned him, enough so that his grip on Dean was slightly released, and he kicked Castiel's legs out from underneath him, sending him splashing face first into the water. Dean sprang to the surface and gulped air.

"What the fuck Cas!?" he bellowed as Castiel resurfaced and swung back at Sam, who blocked his punch.

"It's not him!" Sam yelled, "I think it's the crown!" He threw another punch but Cas was ready, and he blocked and countered, landing a punch in Sam's side. Dean jumped on his back, wrapping his arms around him tight and locking his hands together at his chest. He pressed his body up against him, his mouth at his ear.

"Damnit, stop!" Castiel struggled against him, grunting and trying to throw him off. Internally he couldn't believe what he was doing – he couldn't control any of his strength. He was a slave to that woman that neither of the brothers seemed to be able to see. "Cas, fight it!"

"I think we need to get the crown – he seems to be trying to keep us from doing it." Sam started to climb the pedestal himself, Dean keeping a hold of the angel.

"NO!" The woman screamed. "Get him! Get him now!"

Castiel used all of his strength and threw Dean off of him with a splash, charging towards Sam who was only about halfway up. He grabbed at Sam's leg and yanked; he crashed to the water with a cry. Luckily Dean was quick, grabbing Castiel across his shoulder and landing a punch square across his jaw.

 _Good Dean! Beat me down until I can't move!_

They tore into each other full force, kicking, punching, dunking. They've had their violent moments, but this was really something – each landed punch hurt worse than ever before because of what they had most recently shared. The look of horrification in Dean's eyes was palpable – he looked like he was going to throw up. Cas could only imagine what his face looked like – cool, calm, unaffected. Not at all the way he actually felt.

"Cas – please wake up!" Dean pleaded, blocking another punch. "I don't want to do this!"

From behind them Sam had emerged from the water and had begun to climb again. This time Castiel was sufficiently subdued by Dean's repeated hits, one after another, to go after Sam.

"NO!" She was at his ear again, screeching. "Kill them both!"

But he could do nothing – Dean had gotten the upper hand and landed jab after jab. It was as if as his body was weakened by the hunter so was her hold on it.

"Keep…..hitting…." Cas sputtered out, as Dean upper cut his jaw. "Get…crown…."

"Sam!" Dean yelled, still hitting Castiel but differently now, not trying to defend himself so much as subdue Cas. "Get the damn crown!"

Sam finally hit the last few inches of the pedestal and reached, gripping the crown in his hand. "Cas, stop!" he yelled and instantly, the angel's body stopped moving. So did Deans, who paused mid punch, breathing hard. He had a cut above his eye, and blood pooled under his nose. His eyes searched Castiel's as he approached slowly, reaching out to him.

"You ok? Is that you?"

Castiel found that he could nod at least – the rest of his muscles screamed at him in pain but at least were his to manipulate. The sound of the woman was gone, but he had a sense that she had only gone into hiding now that her trinket had been taken.

"Yeah, I – I couldn't fight it Dean – I'm so sorry…"

"Oh thank God." Dean moved forward and pulled Castiel into his arms tightly. His body was weaker than he expected, and he slumped in his embrace – maybe the control took more out of him than he thought? He buried his nose in the crook of Dean's neck, still breathing hard. His arms hurt so bad he couldn't raise them to return the gesture.

Sam splashed into the water behind them. "Let's get the hell out of here guys – Cas can you move?"

"I think so."

But truthfully he just wanted to sink into the warm depths of the water around him. _I can't believe I let her get to me like that…_

Wordlessly and gingerly, Dean picked up Castiel's arm and put it around his shoulders, picking him up around his waist and hobbling towards the other side of the temple. He could see the blood dripping off of his face and into the water as his head bobbed from lack of strength. Sam was right behind them, helping Dean pull Cas out of the water and setting him on the shore. His body was heavy with wet clothing, and Dean helped him out of his wet overcoat. He wringed it out and stuffed it in his bag.

"I think we're going to have to carry you Cas – we'll get out of here faster." Sam gave him a good look over while Dean stood back, arms crossed. He was pretty sure he looked like hell, but the physical damage was nothing compared to the damage _he_ felt – it was as if being under the control of the woman using the crown actually hurt his angelic form.

"No! No, I can – I think I can make it. I heal faster than you. It's just, that woman, she overpowered me but she didn't hurt my vessel – she injured my true form." Castiel fumbled through his words, trying to stand – he was unsuccessful, and fell forward into Dean's waiting arms. He hated that this was seeming more and more like one of those romantic comedies Dean hates where he is the woman in distress and Dean the hero who saves the day. Castiel never enjoyed feeling weak – it stirred an anger deep within him. He wanted to burst from his vessel and show just how strong he really was – but everything about him ached.

"Let's just – take this slow." Dean mirrored what he had said to Castiel the night before, under much different circumstances. He raised an eyebrow to the angel which seemed to indicate – I know. I know you hate this. Let me help you. He turned his body to support most of the angel's weight again, and started to move, jerking his head towards his brother. "Cas, we didn't see any woman...tell me about her. Was she hot?"

Leave it to Dean to make a joke about that right now – but damn if that wasn't exactly what he needed to feel normal again, even for a second.

"I wouldn't fuck her, if that's what you're asking." Castiel grumbled, with a small smirk as they made their way through the foggy corridor. Behind them, Sam snickered. "She was horrifying – some kind of ghoul. I think her spirit haunts this temple and she took possession of the crown when someone else placed it here. She knew I am an angel."

"Where did she go?" Sam asked as they made their way into the second room.

"I don't know – once you grabbed the crown and told me to stop, she disappeared." Cas grunted a little as Dean helped him up the steps, one at a time. He really was exceptionally strong for a human. "I guess I'm under your control now?"

"I'll try not to let it get to my head." Sam deadpanned.

* * *

The rest of the journey passed without incident, even back to the hotel from the temple. Castiel continued to gain a little strength with each passing moment, but his anger from being weakened was only slightly subdued – he felt so powerless in that temple, a feeling as rare as it was completely maddening. They set Castiel up in his room, leaving only to get food for the three of them, fetch Sam's computer to make travel arrangements and see if they could find out more about how the angel crown worked.

"Get this - it looks like it was once forged for Michael to lead legions of angels into battle. But before it was handed over, it was lost – some seraph stole it and tossed it into the depths of the ocean. The exact whereabouts have been unknown ever since." Sam explained in between bites. "So you really couldn't move Cas? Could you speak to her?"

"I did, or at least I tried to." Cas answered from the bed, sipping a hot coffee. He grunted as he shifted his position to sit up more – Dean was instantly at his side, moving his pillow to be more comfortably underneath his back. "She wouldn't listen to me – it was as if I was a pawn to her, not anything more than a powerful weapon."

"Well now we have it – and it can't be used against you again." Dean put the bottle of beer to his lips – he was polishing off his third. His wounds were swelling, but hopefully the alcohol would keep them from looking too swollen when they flew tomorrow – didn't want to raise suspicion. Castiel had tried to use his angel mojo to heal Dean but he had refused – Cas was to use his own angel mojo "to fix his own self". Truthfully, he was healing as fast as he could – he could move freely now, though still with some pain.

"Again, I cannot apologize enough for the pain I have caused the both of you…"

"Seriously dude? Shut up." Sam chuckled from where he sat at the table, closing his laptop. "It's water under the bridge. I'm going to catch a few hours before we fly out tomorrow – I suggest you both do the same."

"Yeah – I'm right behind you." Dean's voice was oddly calm as he sat on the bed next to Castiel. They wordlessly watched Sam leave and close the door lightly. The room was silent again, save for the sounds of their breath. It was a comfortable silence – at least for Dean. Cas still felt powerless, regretful – and a little irritated.

"I should let you sleep." Dean moved his hand to Castiel's leg, patting it lightly. The act was strange… "Are you comfortable? I can bring you another pillow from my room…"

"Stop fussing over me!" Castiel snapped. He wasn't wearing much (he had taken off his wet clothing and was sitting in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt of Deans) but the heat combined with his anger was making him even more agitated.

"Hey, I'm just trying to help…"

"I'm a fucking angel of the Lord, Dean. I have annihilated hundreds of my own kind. I would blind you if you ever saw my true form. I don't need your help with a pillow on my back." His voice was low, grumbled. Dean's face went from shock to pure anger – it stirred something inside of Cas to see it. Something dark.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe this makes ME feel better?" Dean yelled back, standing and pacing around the room. "I'm in love with a man who could crush me like a bug! With one tiny flip of a switch, at any time! Do you understand how powerless that makes me feel?"

"Well I'm sorry that my true self is too intimidating for you!" This argument was getting childish fast – even though his rage, Castiel could sense how futile it was.

"I just want to feel like your fucking equal!" Dean growled back, and spun around to leave. Cas was behind him in an instant from the bed, grabbing both of his shoulders.

"Dean – stop." His voice was different, strained. He hated feeling like an invalid to the Winchesters but he hated even more the idea of Dean feeling inferior to him. "It's not a contest."

The hunter didn't turn – his breathing was sharp and he kept his eyes fixated on the door. He paused a beat before speaking. "I don't know how to do this Cas. I'm always the alpha male in everything – but with you I'm like your little bitch."

"What?" Castiel tried to search for the right words – that small confession from him spoke volumes. Neither man enjoyed feeling weak, and both of them had to be the strongest one for so long – letting the other take care of them was such a departure from the norm, he wondered if they would be able to get past it. "Dean I'm upset because I hate feeling weak. But you're not my 'little bitch'. You could break me without even trying."

That made Dean turn, finally. His face was a million different emotions at once – desire, embarrassment, bewilderment. "Cas you could snap your fingers and kill me. We don't even come close to the same playing field."

"And you could have an angel blade up your sleeve, or have a sigil under this bed." Castiel grabbed at his hand, holding it softly. "We are both going to have to deal with the fact that when we're together there can't be one person who is the strong one and the other one is weaker. I don't think that's how relationships work."

"What did you mean, I could break you." The words cracked out of Dean's mouth.

"Damnit Dean, can't you see what you've done to me?" Castiel stepped forward, closing the gap between them. "When it comes to you I'm powerless. I've betrayed my kind, my father, all to keep you safe. I have done things that are against my best interest because I can't stand to see you hurt. I may be physically stronger, but I'm completely under your control, all the time. Even without the crown…"

"I don't want to control you Cas." Dean settled his hand at Castiel's waist, and looked down into his eyes. They paused a moment in each other's gaze, then Dean smiled and winked. "Well, maybe I want to control you a little. But in a sexy way."

Cas smiled back. "What would you have me do?"

"Kiss me – hard."

Castiel's mouth crashed onto Dean's, as he wrapped his arms around his neck. The switch from anger to lust came so naturally to Dean, but for the angel it was a bit more forced – he still felt frustrated. He kissed him like he was trying to pull something from him – a soft moan escaped Dean's mouth but that still wasn't enough. Reaching down he pulled Dean's shirt sharply over his head, and broke away from his mouth to suck his way down his chest. Both men were rock hard already – Castiel embarrassingly so, unhidden in his roomy boxers. He nipped at his clavicle, as Dean ran his fingers through his wild black hair.

"Ugn – God, Cas…" Deans head went back with a moan. Castiel gripped his hips and pushed him gently – or as gently as he could – onto the bed. Still with his mouth on Dean's nipples he unbuttoned his jeans and yanked sharply, pulling them down to his thighs. His erection sprang and Dean gasped, tightening his grip around Castiel's skull. Every noise, every shiver he enticed out of Dean brought him immeasurable pleasure – he needed to know he could make the hunter feel half as mad as he made him feel. He wanted to feel him undone in his hands, moaning and writhing out of control.

Cas crouched in front of Dean – making the sudden decision to take all of Dean into his mouth. He eased his open lips down slowly, dragging his tongue along his length. Dean cried out – and now Cas understood why Dean had been so eager to please him the night before. This was nearly as good as when Dean's ministrations had brought him to an edge he had never experienced. His body ached, still in pain from the day's events but he ignored it completely – all that mattered was Dean's pleasure and making his body quiver.

Cas kept the movement up, steadily. When he made his way back up he swirled his tongue around the head and Dean hissed sharply. He found that this act was surprisingly simple and straightforward for how much pleasure it brought Dean – he pulled back a moment to close his jaw and lick his lips, moving his hand to stroke gently in his mouths absence.

"Is this ok?" Cas looked up to meet his eyes and smirked – he knew the answer. He wanted to hear him say it.

"Fuck, Cas..."

Dean was really a man of few words, after all. But everything he wanted to know was written all over his face – his mouth slightly open but drawn into a smile on one side, breath coming in sharp spurts, his green eyes lidded. He was in a haze of pleasure, and it was all because of Cas. And that made him feel more powerful than anything he'd done in his life.

"Do you want me to keep going?" Something about hearing Dean speak turned Castiel on, and he wanted to hear filthy things expel from those soft lips.

"Yes..." His voice cracked

"Tell me what you want me to do."

"I want you to suck me, Cas."

"More."

"I need you…to…please…"

His eyes were closed now, and he was biting his bottom lip. Castiel moved forward again and took him into his mouth, his fist still at the base of his dick. He moved his fist and mouth in time, pulling the groans and sighs from Dean with each stroke. The room was sweltering again – he idly thought he will later prefer to have sex with Dean in the bunker, where the air is always cool. He smiled to himself, thinking about doing this again and again with Dean – yeah, he could live with that. Changing it up, he quickened his pace – Dean threw his head back.

"Cas, I'm – ugn – I'm not going to last...if you…"

But he wasn't worried about what happened next. He wanted to feel Dean come undone and that's what happened. One last stroke and he felt something salty in his mouth but kept his eyes open as he watched Dean grip the sheets and writhe underneath him, yelling his name loudly. His face contoured but he smiled slightly as he came – like he was in on some inside joke. Castiel slowed his pace to a stop as he watched Dean climb down from his peak, breathing heavily with his head to one side. Cas stood and then crawled into bed on top of him, latching onto Dean's lower lip and sucking it lightly as he blinked to his senses.

"Where did you…" Dean started to mumble, breathless.

"Did you enjoy that?"

"I – yes." Cas still was above him, looking down. Dean's face was flushed like he had been fighting, but there was a serenity to his features Cas had never seen. It was unbelievably beautiful. He reached his hand up to stroke the side of his face. Of course he had always found Dean attractive but him in a state of post coital bliss – it was damn near heavenly. It was certainly the closest Cas had felt to heaven in some time, and it surprised him as it brought the ghost of tears to his eyes. He blinked – he didn't want to show Dean that much emotion – not yet.

Dean seemed to sense what was going on, but let him hide it. Truthfully he wasn't good at talking anyway – he slipped one hand down between them and grabbed Castiel, still hard. Cas drew in a sharp breath.

"You don't need to do that Dean." But he couldn't help himself as he thrust into Dean's hand softly, unconsciously. Dean's face erupted into a sexy smile.

"I have a feeling I won't have to do much…" Dean moved his hands and flipped them, putting Castiel on his back with a soft thud. Cas was once again aware of his previous injuries and he grimaced briefly, closing his eyes. He felt Dean close in on him, staying a hairs breath away from his lips. "You ok?"

"Mhm"

"Good." His mouth crashed against him again, deepening an open mouthed kiss with his tongue, his hand reaching down to stroke hard, rough. Castiel searched for a place to put his hands and they ended up gripping the hunters strong back. He wasn't going to last long at all – watching Dean come had left him quite literally dripping in anticipation. A few more strokes and Cas was there, arching his lower back and moaning deeply. Dean didn't stop – he let him ride out the high. As he came down, his grip became gentler until finally he just left his hand resting on his dick, his body wrapped tightly close to the angels.

They lay for some time kissing – God only knows what time it was. Cas still ached but Dean kept kissing him like he was water and Dean was dying of thirst. He didn't know that he could feel this good – all of his time with humanity, sex always seemed like such a sticky chore. Strictly procreation, nothing more, and seemingly painful. Laying there, softly moving their hands against each other, he felt – complete. This person, this human, who he had saved from hell had saved him in a million other ways. Slick and uncaring they fell asleep for a few hours to the sounds from the street outside.

* * *

A/N - Thanks to ya'll who have been reading! I have one last chapter, and that's it. Let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The sounds of their alarm on Dean's phone brought them out of their dreamless sleep, wrapped up in each other. It was 05:00 – the plane would be taking off in three hours. The plane that would take them home, and away from this strange place where everything in Castiel's world had changed. It was bittersweet in a sappy way that he would never speak aloud to Dean.

"I'm going to get in the shower." Dean was the first to move away from the embrace, leaving Cas slightly colder. Despite his love for him being close, he was glad for the lack of body heat – it was impossibly hot. "Want to join me?"

"Dean, I don't think we have time…"

"I know, it's ok. Just – come with me." Dean's attitude was a little coy and it was different, but not unwelcome. He followed the hunter into the bathroom – turning on the shower, he stripped his shirt and boxers off. He faced Cas and pulled his sticky clothing off gently, trying to avoid his wounds from the previous day. Dean was remarkably comfortable being naked, and his face was a vision – a sweet smile crossing his lips. It was at once not at all him and very him; clearly the sex had torn down his inhibitions about showing affection privately.

Wordlessly he pulled him into the shower behind him, and they both hissed as the cold jets hit their skin. Dean grabbed the soap from the edge of the shower and worked it into a lather as their bodies grew used to the temperature. It was actually a welcome relief from the heat they had slept in, and Cas relaxed, watching him.

"You know yesterday, when I left and took a shower," He started, putting his lathered hands on Castiel's shoulders, and working his way down. "I thought about you – doing that to me."

"Mmm…" Cas closed his eyes to Dean's touch as he washed his body down with pressured hands. It almost felt a massage. His body still ached slightly from yesterday's events, but he was in much better shape. "Doing what?"

"What you did to me last night. Which holy shit you're a natural at…" Dean crouched and leaned forward to wash his legs, water hitting his head. There was something so humble about his actions – it reminded Cas of when people used to wash each other's feet in a symbol of worship. He looked down quickly to watch him in wonder – Dean paused to look straight on at Castiel's dick, and it began to harden under his gaze. He looked like he was contemplating something, then he grabbed Castiel's thighs to steady himself as he took just the head into his mouth.

"Ahhh!" Cas's cry was guttural, rumbling from the bottom of his chest and he threw his head back. Dean drew back immediately but replaced his mouth with his hand, clutching hard.

"Sorry…" he kissed the underside of Castiel's jaw as he stood. The bastard had a smug smile on his face – what a tease. "All this dude stuff is new to me – couldn't help myself…"

"I don't think – we…" Castiel's words were garbled, disconnected. That had felt _amazing_ – a brief moment of pure lightening. He wanted to feel that again right fucking _now._ No amount of reasonable thought came into his brain at that moment – just desire to feel those lips wrapped around him again. He reached out and pulled Dean into a sharp kiss.

 **WHACK WHACK WHACK**

"Hey Cas, are you in there?" Sam called from outside the door.

"Shit!" Dean hissed but he was smiling slightly, almost like he enjoyed getting caught. He probably did a little.

"Oh, uh, no Castiel here, sir! Just housekeeping!" Dean called out, in a high pitched voice like a lady. He winked at Cas.

"Oh – oh seriously Dean?! Did you let him sleep at all? We need to go!"

Dean laughed out loud, then lowered his voice. "Are you all rinsed off?"

Castiel was still frozen in place, rock hard. He was far too inexperienced with his body to easily transition from pure lust to oh yea, let's go about our busy day. He nodded, but looked strained.

"I know – Don't worry, we'll finish this at home, I promise." He shut off the water, standing to kiss him softly. Castiel moved then, pressing his wet body against Deans'. Why wasn't he paralyzed with lust too? This was maddening.

They dried themselves off and left the bathroom – evidentially Sam had decided to wait for them elsewhere. Dean popped off to his room to get dressed and gather his things – Cas was left alone for a few minutes. He threw the rest of his things in his duffle and turned to look at the room that had changed so much for the two of them. Silently, he said a prayer of thanks for the events that transpired here – never in his wildest dreams did he think confessing his feelings would have led to all this. The future, for once, actually seemed to have some brightness to it. Or at least, lots of sex.

* * *

The trip home was uneventful. Castiel was able to calm Dean down in a matter of moments as they took off. They enjoyed the free food and drink again, laughing about their dangerous trip. Somehow their returning flight felt shorter – and they were home in no time at all, driving back to the bunker, listening to Pink Floyd blasting from the cassette deck. It was dark when they arrived, but they were all wired from the trip – they ordered pizza, opened some beers and put on another "classic" Dean insisted on, The Drunken Master.

Castiel assumed that Sam had quietly stashed the crown somewhere – from the moment he grabbed it they all sort of quietly agreed that he should be in charge of it. Dean was too obvious of a choice to be holding it – and anyone coming in to grab it would assume it was with him. It was far too important of an object to take any chances with.

Eventually they all kind of drifted off, tired from the travel and the jet lag, Jackie Chan still kicking ass in the back ground. Cas was resting his head comfortably on Dean's shoulder – Dean had his hand on his thigh. Sam snored softly in the armchair.

"Well isn't this a picture perfect scene?" Crowley's voice pierced the silence, and all three of them jumped at the sound.

"Fuck, Crowley! Can you maybe show up when we're awake for once?!" Dean growled, standing abruptly.

"And miss catching this heartwarming cuddle-fest? Not a chance!" He glanced around the room. "I assume because you're all home and taking a nap you fetched my trinket?"

"It's safe." Sam said from behind Crowley, standing defensively. He was preparing to fight, Castiel realized, and so was Dean. Good – he wanted to hit the bastard in his smug face.

"You'll understand if I want visual proof." He turned to face Sam, with a sly smile. "I mean, I can't just go around trusting you gents at your word – bad for the reputation."

"I guess that's exactly what you're going to have to do." Dean shot back. "Because it's staying hidden. From you and her."

Crowley looked around at the three of them briefly – he's not one to back down from a fight, but the Winchesters seemed like they had an extra something to prove tonight, and he wasn't interested in slaughtering them just now – he still had plans for them. He made a huge show of sighing, rolling his eyes.

"Fine boys, have it your way." He raised his hand to snap his fingers. "Just keep it the hell away from her."

With a snap he was gone, the mood in the room extra sour. The movie was over and the room was lightened only by the home screen of the movie. Sam let out a breath.

"He always has a way of making an entrance…." He picked his cell phone off the table, shoving it in his pocket. "But I think he'll leave us alone."

"For now." Dean grumbled. "I fucking hate feeling like his pawn."

Cas turned to calm him, but Sam spoke first. "Forget him Dean. He's too in love with you to try anything with us for now."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Great. Just what I needed."

Sam chuckled. "I'm going to bed guys. I know the bunker is pretty big, but it's not sound proof. Just keep that in mind…"

Dean smirked and Cas hid his eyes. They watched in silence as Sam left the room, and then turned to each other. Even in the dark Castiel could feel the mood between them change – he heard Dean's breath hitch as he came closer to him.

"Shall we – go to bed too?" Castiel's voice was low. All of this was so new to him – he didn't know how to slowly ease into foreplay. He just wanted him – now.

Without a word, Dean grabbed his hand and pulled him swiftly until they reached his room. Once inside, he closed and locked the door quietly, turning on a small bedside light that filled the room with a pale yellow glow. As sweet as the anticipation of more sex was they both slowed down in unison. Their lips met in soft, pulling kisses as they took their time stripping each other of all clothing until they were both bare, shivering a bit against the cold of the bunker. Dean sat on the edge of his bed and pulled Castiel on top of him.

"Talk to me Dean." Castiel growled and nuzzled against his neck. "Tell me what you want."

"I want to feel you." His words were breathless, honest. Almost too naked. Castiel wanted to smother him with his body until he cried out and their connection felt like a current between them. He placed his hand on the handprint on Dean's shoulder, gripping it tightly. He yelped at the feeling, and something in Cas's belly stirred. He wanted to be in him – inside of him. The mechanics of that – he didn't know how to make that happen. He felt frustrated by his own inexperience.

"Dean, I – " his voice choked on the words as he spoke into Dean's neck. "I want to be in you. I don't know – how – "

The hunter gripped him tightly at his confession in response. Their actions now were so different from their trip. Castiel wondered if this is what love making really is – each movement's only purpose was to make the other understand how they felt. He wasn't worried about Dean running now; the look on his face was determined as he sat up to look at him.

Castiel swooped and moved his way slowly down his skin – goosebumps springing from where he placed hot kisses. He lingered near his hip bones, nipping so slightly at where they jutted out. Dean was far from silent – each movement enticed another moan or sigh from his lips. The angel reached down and cupped his balls gently, reveling in the look as Dean threw his head back, arching his back. Smiling, he quietly took just the head of his dick into his mouth, rounding it with his tongue. Simple, slow movements, but they made Dean squirm underneath him. He smiled and moaned a little himself, letting the vibrations push Dean further towards breaking.

"Cas!" He burst, then grabbed the angels hand where it rested on his hip bone and brought it to his lips. He took two fingers into his mouth, sucking erotically, and Cas released Dean's erection to stare up at him, half lidded eyes filled with lust.

"What are you-?"

"I need to be – put your fingers in me." He ordered as the mood shifted a bit to one of more urgency.

Cas nodded – Dean must know what he is doing. He took his slick fingers and pushed between his cheeks until he found what his entrance. Excited, he pushed a single finger in swiftly, and Dean buckled and gasped.

"Slow down, man! I've never done this before!" His voice was irritated – Cas had hurt him. He removed his finger and pulled his body away – the sudden loss caused Dean to open his eyes.

"I'm – I'm sorry…." Cas looked at his hands – he didn't know what to do. Things had been going so well…

"No, I'm sorry." Dean sat up, and put his hands on either side of Castiel's face, forcing their eyes to meet. His green eyes were calm, much to Castiel's surprise. "I've never done this with another man before, just to myself…I'm just nervous, but I want this. I want you."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I want you to hurt me a little, Cas." His face turned into a wicked smile, and he pulled him in for a hot kiss. "Try it again, really slowly. I'll try to relax more…"

Relax? Is that what he needed? Well, Cas could make that happen. He quietly pushed Dean back onto the bed. "I can help you relax Dean."

He placed his hands on either side of his hips, the hunter spread out before him. Taking a deep breath, he turned inward, fighting to find that echo of his grace – the echo that connected with Dean. Locating it, he used the rest of his grace to push a calm feeling through his fingers and into Dean's body. The hunter moaned from the sensation as his body relaxed.

"Oh God, I don't think I'll ever get tired of that…"

Castiel licked his own fingers and tried again, this time slowly. His reaction was much different – instead of reacting in pain, he pushed his head to one side with a sigh and wriggled against the single digit. He backed out and tried another – the reaction was stronger. Dean moaned his angel's name as Cas pushed over and over.

"Lube – Cas, I need you in. Please." Dean flailed – very un-Dean like, but he was so lost in his pleasure his limbs were slightly uncoordinated. He grabbed at a small bottle next to his bed, throwing it at Cas. For his part, Castiel had pretty much figured out by now how this was going to work – he coated himself, then reached out with the excess on his hands and pushed three fingers in, easily. He wanted to be inside of him so badly, but he wanted Dean to be ready.

Dean however, seemed to have hit a breaking point with the slow ease of their love making – he wanted action. He sat up and pulled Cas down for a rough kiss, his fingers still inside of him. The kiss was sloppy, heated on both parts. They were both lost in a haze of pleasure as Dean reached down and wrapped his hand around Castiel's slick length, tugging it sharply. "Put it in, Cas. I want you to fuck me."

Castiel felt himself come uncoiled at his words, and he let his vessel's instinct take over. Grabbing himself, he pushed just his head into Dean and they both cried out, Dean leaning back and pulling his knees towards his chest. The feeling was so much at once and yet not enough. He pulled out and then pushed in again, and then again, going deeper with every thrust. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and grabbed his ass firmly. He steadied himself on either side of Dean and started pumping steadily, raising his head to look at him.

"Holy shit…" Dean cursed under his breath, his face twisted, his mouth slack. He opened his green eyes to look into Castiel's blue ones intensely. They stared at each other as each one moaned, cried out with each push. The feeling of Dean surrounding him entirely was visceral – their connection hummed between them like a bell. This was the heaven he was seeking – found deep within Dean. Beyond the sex, beyond the pleasure – his ragged grace and Dean's damaged soul meeting somewhere in the middle.

He reached down between them and took Dean's dick into his hand – he wanted them to finish together. Dean cried out as he did and his muscles tightened around him. He felt the plateau coming and he pumped harder inside of him and outside, edging towards a release. Dean came first, the moment tensing up his whole body as he buried his head into the crook of Castiel's neck, choking on his name. Cas tumbled shortly afterward, losing rhythm in his orgasm as he continued to push into him like aftershocks, then slowly stilled. He fell against the hunter in a sweaty mess – the two of them coated in lube, sweat and cum. It would be disgusting if it weren't so fucking beautiful.

He pulled out of Dean breathlessly and crawled into his outstretched arms, resting his head on his chest.

"Did you feel that?" Dean asked, his voice dry.

"Yeah."

"That was- wow." Dean's breathing was still heavy, and Cas could hear his heart thundering in his chest. Was there anything really more to say about the connection they had? It was something that was never supposed to be able to happen between an angel and a human, let alone a rouge angel with stolen grace and an archangel's true vessel that's died and been resurrected more than a few times.

"You know all of this makes very little sense." Cas's voice was just above a whisper, despite how loud they had just been. "And we're both cursed when it comes to, well, life – this isn't really going to be easy."

"How is that different from anything else in our lives?" Dean chuckled lightly, and clutched the angel tighter in his embrace. The lie silent for a few minutes until the chill of the room got the better of them, and Dean sat up, reaching to the foot of the bed and pulled a blanket down on top of them.

"Besides," he said, echoing something he had told Cas long ago as he cuddled up against his angel, "I'd rather have you, cursed or not."

* * *

 **A/N -** Thanks all for reading! This story started out as just a desire to write about Dean catching Castiel pray and it sort of spiraled from there. I'm not sure if I'll write a sequel - I have a few ideas but something needs to really inspire me. Please let me know what you thought of the story!


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